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people were doing their shopping for the next day. They passed a music hall called the Canterbury and Mildred cried out Oh, Philip, do let s go there. I haven t been to a music hall for months. We can t afford stalls, you know. Oh, I don t mind, I shall be quite happy in the galler. y. They got down and walked back a hundred yards till they came to the doors. They got capital seats for sixpence each, high up but not in the gallery, and the night was so fine that there was plenty of room. Mildred s eyes glistened. She enjoyed herself thoroughly. There was a simple mindedness in her which touched Philip. She was a puzzle to him. Certain things in her still pleased him, and he thought that there was a lot in her which was very good she had been badly brought up, and her life was hard he had blamed her for much that she could not help and it was his own fault if he had asked virtues from her which it was not in her power to give. Under different circumstances she might have been a charming girl. She was extraordinarily unfit for the battle of life. As he watched her now in profile, her mouth slightly open and that delicate flush on her cheeks, he thought she looked strangely virginal. He felt an overwhelming compassion for her, and with all his heart he forgave her for the misery she had caused him. The smoky atmosphere made Philip s eyes ache, but when he suggested going she turned to him with beseeching face and england football team jersey 2019 asked him to stay till the end. He smiled and consented. She took his hand and held it for the rest of the performance. When they streamed out with the audience into the crowded street she did not want to go home they wandered up the Westminster Bridge Road, looking at the people. I ve not had such a good time as this for months, she said. Philip s heart was full, and he was thankful to the fates because he had carried out his sudden impulse to take Mildred and her baby into his flat. It was very pleasant to see her wales football shirt uk happy gratitude. At last she grew tired and they jumped on a tram to go home it was late now, and when they got down and turned into their own street there was no one about. Mildred slipped her arm through his. It s just like old times, Phil, she said. She had never called him Phil before, that was what Griffiths called him and even now it gave him a curious pang. He remembered how much he had wanted to die then his pain had been so great that he had thought quite seriously of committing suicide. It all seemed very long agoon the ground, shining through the trees, look at that sky why, I should never have seen that sky if I hadn t been to Paris. Hayward thought that Philip choked a sob, and he looked at him with astonishment. What s the matter with you Nothing. I m sorry to be so damned emotional, but for six months I ve been starved for beauty. You used to be so matter of fact. It s very interesting to hear you say that. Damn it all, I don t want to be interesting, laughed Philip. Let s go and have a stodgy tea. chapter 65 Hayward s visit did Philip a great deal of good. Each day his thoughts dwelt less on Mildred. He looked back upon the past with disgust. He could not understand how he had submitted to the dishonour of such a love and when he thought of Mildred it was with angry hatred, because she had submitted him to so much humiliation. His imagination presented her to him now with her defects of person and manner exaggerated, so that he shuddered at the thought of having been connected with her. It just shows how damned weak I am, he said to himself. The adventure was like a blunder that one had committed at a party so horrible that one felt nothing could be done to excuse it the only remedy was to forget. His horror at the degradation he had suffered helped him. He was like a snake casting its skin and he looked upon the old covering with nausea. He exulted in the possession of himself once more he realised how much of the delight of the world he had lost when he was absorbed in that madness which they called love he had had enough of it he did not want to be in. love any more if love was that. Philip told Hayward something of what he had gone through. Wasn t it Sophocles, he asked, who prayed for the time when he would be delivered from the wild beast of passion that devoured his heart strings Philip seemed really to be born again. He breathed the circumambient air as though he had never breathed it before, and he took a child s pleasure in all the facts of the world. He called his period of insanity six months hard labour. Hayward had only been settled in London a few days when Philip received from Blackstable, where it had been sent, a card for a private view at some picture gallery. He took Hayward, and, on looking at the catalogue, saw that Lawson had a picture in it. I suppose he sent the card, said Philip. Let s go and find him, he s sure to be in front of his picture. This, a profile of Ruth Chalice, was tucked away in a corner, and Lawson was no.h it friendship, gratitude, interest, had no power beside it. Because he had not attracted Mildred sexually, nothing that he did had any effect upon her. The idea revolted him it made human nature beastly and he felt suddenly that the hearts of men were full of dark places. Because Mildred was indifferent to him he had thought her sexless her anaemic appearance and thin lips, the body with its narrow hips and flat chest, the languor of her manner, carried out his supposition and yet she was capable of sudden passions which made her willing to risk everything to gratify them. wales football shirt uk He had never understood her adventure with Emil Miller it had seemed so unlike her, and she had never been able to explain it but now that he had seen her with Griffiths he knew that just the same thing had happened then she had been carried off her feet by an ungovernable desire. He tried wales football shirt uk to think out what those two men had which so strangely attracted her. They both had a vulgar facetiousness which tickled her simple sense of humour, and a certain coarseness of nature but what euro 2019 kit sale took her perhaps was the blatant sexuality which was their most marked characteristic. She had a genteel refinement which shuddered at the facts of life, she looked upon the bodily functions as indecent, she had all sorts of euphemisms for common objects, she always chose an elaborate word as more becoming than a simple one the brutality of these men was like a whip on her thin white shoulders, and she shuddered with voluptuous pain. One thing Philip had made up his mind about. He would not go back to the lodgings in which he had suffered. He wrote to his landlady and gave her notice. He wanted to have his own things about him. He determined to take unfurnished rooms it would be pleasant and cheaper and this was an urgent consideration, for during the last year and a half he had spent nearly seven hundred pounds. He must make up for it now by the most rigid economy. Now and then he thought of the future with panic he had been a fool to spend so much money on Mildred but he knew that if it were to come again he would act in the same way. It amused him sometimes to consider that his friends, bec. ause he had a face which did not express his feelings very vividly and a rather slow way of moving, looked upon him as strong minded, deliberate, and cool. They thought him reasonable and praised his common sense but he knew that his placid expression was no more than a mask, assumed unconsciously, which act.
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He waited and she did not come. He began to grow anxious, and walked into the station watching the incoming suburban trains the hour which she had fixed passed, and still there was no sign of her. Philip was impatient. He went into the other waiting rooms and looked at the people sitting in them. Suddenly his heart gave a great thud. There you are. I thought you were never coming. I like that after arsenal kits for children keeping me waiting all this time. I had half a mind to go back home again. But you said you d come to the second class waiting room. I didn t say any such thing. It isn t exactly likely I d sit in the second class room when I could sit in the first is it Though Philip was sure he had not made a mistake, he said nothing, and they got into a cab. Where are we dining she asked. I thought of the Adelphi Restaurant. Will that suit you I don t mind where we dine. She spoke ungraciously. She was put out by being kept waiting and answered Philip s attempt at conversation with monosyllables. She wore a long cloak of some rough, dark material and a crochet shawl over her head. They reached the restaurant and sat down at a table. She looked round with satisfaction. The red shades to the candles on the tables, the gold of the decorations, the looking glasses, lent the room a sumptuous air. I ve never been here before. She gave Philip a smile. She had taken off her cloak and he saw that she wore a pale blue dress, cut square at the neck and her hair was more elaborately arranged than ever. He had ordered champagne and when it came her eyes sparkled. You are going it, she said. Because I ve ordered fiz he asked carelessly, as though he never drank anything else. I WAS surprised when you asked me to do a theatre with you. Conversation did not go very easily, for she did not seem to have much to say and Philip was nervously conscious that he was not amusing her. 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