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He wants to live more than I do, I ve never been the wife he wanted, and I daresay he d adidas germany mercedes jacket marry again if anything happened to me. So I should like to go first. You don t think it s selfish of me, Philip, do you But I couldn t bear it if he went. Philip kissed her wrinkled, thin cheek. He did not know why the real madrid alternate kit sight he had of that overwhelming love made him feel strangely ashamed. It was incomprehensible that she should care so much for a man who was tottenham football top so indifferent, so selfish, so grossly self indulgent and he divined dimly that in her heart she knew his indifference and his selfishness, knew them and loved him humbly all the same. You will take the money, Philip she said, gently stroking his hand. I know you can do without it, but it ll give me so much happiness. I ve always wanted to do something for manchester city kit 19/20 pes 2013 you. You see, I never had a child of my own, and I ve loved you as if you were my son. When you were a little boy, though I knew it was wicked, I used to wish almost that you might be ill, so that I could nurse you day and night. But you were only ill once and then it was at school. I should so like to help you. It s the only chance I shall ever have. And perhaps some day when you re a great artist you won t forget me, but you ll remember that I gave you your start. It s very good of you, said Philip. I m very grateful. A smile came into her tired eyes, a smile of pure happiness. Oh, I m so glad. chapter 40 A few days later Mrs. Carey went to the station to see Philip off. She stood at the door of the carriage, trying to keep back her tears. Philip was restless and eager. He wanted to be gone. Kiss me once more, she said. He leaned out of the window and kissed her. The train started, and she stood on the wooden platform of the little station, waving her handkerchief till it was out of sight. Her heart was dreadfully heavy, and the few hundred yards to the vicarage seemed very, very long. It was natural enough that he should be eager to go, she thought, he was a boy and the future beckoned to him but she she clenched her teeth so that she should not cry. She uttered a little inward prayer that God would guard him, and keep him out of temptation, and give him happiness and good fortune. But Philip ceased to think of her a moment after he had settled down in his carriage. He tottenham football top thought only of the future. He had written to Mrs. Otter, the massiere to whom Hayward had given him an introduction, and.
that he feels with a good deal of fortitude, said Philip. He ll do anything he can to make it up. How childish and hysterical Why should he care I m a very insignificant person, and he can do very well without my company. I m not interested in him any more. Ramsden thought Philip hard and cold. He paused for a moment or two, looking about him in a perplexed way. Harry wishes to God he d never had anything to do with the woman. Does he asked Philip. He spoke with an indifference which he was satisfied with. No one could have guessed how violently his heart was beating. He waited impatiently for Ramsden to go on. I suppose you ve quite got over it now, haven t you I said Philip. Quite. Little by little he discovered the history of Mildred s relations with Griffiths. He listened with a smile on his lips, feigning an equanimity which quite deceived the dull witted boy who talked to him. The week end she spent with Griffiths at Oxford inflamed rather than extinguished her sudden passion and when Griffiths went home, with a feeling that was unexpected in her she determined to stay in Oxford by herself for a couple of days, because she had been so happy in it. She felt that nothing could induce her to go back to Philip. He revolted her. Griffiths was taken aback real madrid store in qatar at the fire he had aroused, for he had found his two days with her in the country somewhat tedious and he had no desire to turn an amusing episode into a tiresome affair. She made him promise to write to her, and, being an tottenham football top honest, decent fellow, with natural politeness and a desire to make himself pleasant to everybody, when he got home he wrote her a long and charming letter. She answered it with reams of passion, clumsy, for she had no gift of expression, ill written, and vulgar the letter bored him, and when it was followed next day by another, and the day after by a third, he began to think her love no longer flattering but alar. ming. He did not answer and she bombarded him with telegrams, asking him if he were ill and had received her letters she said his silence made her dreadfully boys portugal football shirt anxious. He was forced to write, but he sought to make his reply as casual as was possible without being offensive he begged her not to wire, since it was difficult to explain telegrams to his mother, an old fashioned person for whom a telegram was still an event to excite tremor. She answered by return of post that she must see him and announced her intention to pawn things she had the dressing case which.to Philip. Yes. Philip felt the eyes of his fellow students rest on him, and he cursed himself because he could not help blushing. He felt the sweat start up in the palms of his hands. The surgeon spoke with the fluency due to long practice and with the admirable perspicacity which distinguished him. He was tremendously interested in his profession. But Philip did not listen. He was only wishing that the fellow would get done quickly. Suddenly he realised that Jacobs was addressing him. You don t mind taking off your sock for a moment, Carey Philip felt a shudder pass tottenham football top through him. He had an impulse to tell the surgeon to go to hell, but he had not the courage to make a scene. He feared his brutal ridicule. He forced himself to appear indifferent. Not a bit, he said. He sat down and unlaced his boot. His fingers were trembling and he thought he should never untie the knot. He remembered how they had forced him at school to show his foot, and the misery which had eaten tottenham football top tottenham football top into his soul. He keeps his feet nice and clean, doesn t he said Jacobs, in his rasping, cockney voice. The attendant students giggled. Philip noticed that the boy whom they were examining looked down at his foot with eager curiosity. Jacobs took the foot in his hands and said Yes, that s what I thought. I see you ve had an operation. When you were a child, I suppose He went on with his fluent explanations. The students leaned over and looked at the foot. Two or three examined it minutely when Jacobs let it go. When you ve quite done, said Philip, with a smile, ironically. He could have killed them all. He thought how jolly it would be to jab a chisel he didn t know why that particular instrument came into his mind into their necks. What beasts men were He wished he could believe in hell so as to comfort himself with the thought of the horrible tortures which would be theirs. Mr. Jacobs turned his attention to treatment. He talked partly to the boy s father and partly to the students. Philip put on his sock and laced his boot. At last the surgeon finished. But he seemed to have an afterthought and turned to Philip. You know, I think it might be worth your while to have an operation. Of course I couldn t give you a normal foot, but I think I can do something. You might think about it, and when you want a holiday you can just come into the hospital for a bit. Philip had often asked himself whether anything could be done, but his distaste for any refere.ony. But the Careys did not give tea parties often the preparations upset barcalona fc kit them, and when their guests were gone they felt themselves exhausted. They preferred to have tottenham football top tea by themselves, and after tea they played backgammon. Mrs. Carey arranged that her husband should win, because he did not like losing. They had cold supper at eight. It was a scrappy meal because Mary Ann resented getting anything ready after tea, and Mrs. Carey helped to clear away. Mrs. Carey seldom ate more than bread and butter, with a little stewed fruit to follow, but the Vicar had a slice of cold meat. Immediately after supper Mrs. Carey rang the bell for prayers, and then Philip went to bed. He rebelled against being undressed by Mary Ann and after a while succeeded in establishing his right to dress and undress himself. At nine o clock Mary Ann brought in the eggs and the plate. Mrs. Carey wrote the date on each egg and put the number down in a book. She then took the plate basket on her arm and went upstairs. Mr. Carey continued to read one of his old books, but as the clock struck ten he got up, put out the lamps, and followed his wife to bed. When Philip arrived there was some difficulty in deciding on which evening he should have his bath. It was never easy to get plenty of hot water, since the kitchen boiler did not work, and it was impossible for two persons to have a bath on the same day. The only man who had a bathroom in Blackstable was Mr. tottenham football top Wilson, and it was thought ostentatious of him. Mary Ann had her bath in the kitchen on Monday night, because she liked to begin the week clean. Uncle William could not have his on Saturday, because he had a heavy day before him and he was always a little tired after a bath, so he had it on Friday. Mrs. Carey had hers on Thursday for the same reason. It looked as though Saturday were naturally indicated for Philip, but Mary Ann said she couldn t keep the fire up on Saturday night what with all the cooking on Sunday, having to make pastry and she. didn t know what all, she did not feel up to giving the boy his bath on Saturday night and arsenal merchandise online it was quite clear that he could not bath himself. Mrs. Carey was shy about bathing a boy, and of course the Vicar had his sermon. But the Vicar insisted that Philip should be clean and sweet for the lord s Day. Mary Ann said she would rather go than be put borussia dortmund pyjamas upon and after eighteen years she didn t expect to have more work given her, and they might show some consideration and Philip said he d.
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