Spain Football Kit Colours e dose he would die in the night, and no one would suspect anything for that was how Doctor Wigram expected him to die. The end would be painless. Philip clenched his hands as he thought of the money he wanted so badly. A few more months of that wretched life could matter nothing to the old man, but the few more months meant everything to him he chelsea football kids was getting to the end of his endurance, and when he thought of going back to work in the morning he shuddered with horror. His heart beat quickly at the thought which obsessed him, and spain football kit colours though he made an effort to put it out of his mind he could not. It would be so easy, so desperately easy. He had no feeling for the old man, he had never liked him he had been selfish all his life, selfish to his wife who adored him, indifferent to the boy who had been celtic goalkeeper strip put in his charge he was not a cruel man, but a stupid, hard man, eaten up with a small sensuality. It would be easy, desperately easy. Philip did not dare. He was afraid of remorse it would be no good having the money if he regretted all his life what he had done. Though he had told himself so often that regret was futile, there were certain things that came back to him occasionally and worried him. He wished they were not on his conscience. His uncle opened his eyes Philip was glad, for he looked a little more human then. He was frankly horrified at the idea that had come to him, it was murder that he was meditating and he wondered if other people had such thoughts or whether he was abnormal and depraved. He supposed he could not have done it when it came to the point, but there the thought was, constantly recurring if he held his hand it was from fear. His uncle spoke. You re not looking forward to my death, Philip Philip felt his heart beat against his chest. Good heavens, no. That s a good boy. I shouldn t like you to do that. You ll get a little bit of money spain football kit colours when I pass away, but you mustn t juventus third kit mens look forward to it. It wouldn t profit you if you did. He spoke in a low voice, and there was a curious anxiety in his tone. It sent a pang into Philip s heart. He wondered what strange insight might have led the old man to surmise what strange desires were in Philip s mind. I hope you ll live for another twenty years, he said. Oh, well, I can t expect to do that, but if I take care of myself I don t see why I shouldn t last another three or four. He was silent for a while, and Philip found nothing to say. Then, as if he had been t.t. I have given notice. Philip felt a sudden pang. As soon as that We re going to be married at a registry office. Emil prefers it. Philip felt dreadfully tired. He wanted to get away from her. He thought he would go straight to bed. He called for the bill. I ll put you in a cab and send you down to Victoria. I daresay you won t have to wait long for a train. Won t you come with me I think I d rather not if you don t mind. It s just as you please, she answered haughtily. I suppose I shall see you at tea time tomorrow No, I think we d better make a full stop now. I don t see why I should go on making myself unhappy. I ve paid the cab. He nodded to her and forced a smile on his lips, then jumped on a bus and made his way home. He smoked a pipe before he went to bed, but he could hardly keep his eyes open. He suffered no pain. He fell into a heavy sleep almost as soon as his head touched the pillow. patronne chapter 64 But about three in the morning Philip awoke and could not sleep again. He began to think of Mildred. He tried not to, but could not help himself. He repeated to himself the same thing time after time till his brain reeled. It was inevitable that she should marry life was hard for a girl who had to earn her own living and if she found someone who could give her a comfortable home she should not be blamed if she accepted. Philip acknowledged that from her point of view it would have been madness to marry him only love could have made such poverty bearable, and she did not love him. It was no fault of hers it was a fact that must be accepted like any other. Philip tried to reason with himself. He told himself that deep down in his heart was mortified pri. de his passion had begun in wounded vanity, and it was this at bottom which caused now a great part of his wretchedness. He despised himself as much as he despised her. Then he made plans for the future, the same plans over and over again, interrupted by recollections of kisses on her soft pale cheek and by the sound of her voice with its trailing accent he had a great deal of work to do, since in the summer he was taking chemistry as well as the two examinations he had failed in. He had separated himself from his friends at the hospital, but now he wanted companionship. There was one happy spain football kit colours occurrence Hayward a fortnight before had written to say that he was passing through London and had asked him to dinner but Philip, unwilling to be bothered, had refused. He was coming back for th.
notwithstanding the beastly lust that disfigured them, and the meanness of their faces, and the cruelty, notwithstanding the stupidness which was worst of all, the anguish of those fixed eyes made all that crowd terrible and pathetic. Philip loathed them, and yet his heart ached with the infinite pity which filled him. He took his coat from the cloak room and went out into the bitter coldness of the night. chapter 50 Philip could not get the unhappy event out of his head. What troubled him most was the uselessness of Fanny s effort. No one could have worked harder than she, nor with more spain football kit colours sincerity she believed in herself with all her heart but it was plain that self confidence meant very little, all his friends had it, Miguel Ajuria among the rest and Philip was shocked by the contrast between the Spaniard s heroic endeavour and the triviality of the thing he attempted. The unhappiness of Philip s life at school had called up in him the power of self analysis and this vice, as subtle as drug spain football kit colours taking, had taken possession of him so that he had now a peculiar keenness in the dissection of his feelings. He could not help seeing that art affected him differently from. others. A fine picture gave Lawson an immediate thrill. His appreciation was instinctive. Even Flanagan felt certain things which Philip was obliged to think out. His own appreciation was intellectual. He could not help thinking that if he had in him the artistic temperament he hated the phrase, but could discover no other he would feel beauty in the emotional, unreasoning way in which they did. He began to wonder whether he had anything more than a superficial cleverness of the hand which enabled him to copy objects with accuracy. That was nothing. He had learned to despise technical dexterity. The important thing was to feel in terms of paint. Lawson painted in a certain way because it was his nature to, and through the imitativeness of a student sensitive to every influence, there pierced individuality. Philip looked at his own portrait of Ruth Chalice, and now that three months had passed he realised that it was no more than a servile copy of Lawson. He felt himself barren. He painted with the brain, and he could not help knowing that the only painting worth anything was done with the heart. He had very little money, barely sixteen hundred pounds, and it would be necessary for him to practise the severest economy. He could not count on earning anything for ten years. The history o.the street, he did not speak to him. I think it was very pushing, he remarked. There were forty one wreaths. Yours was beautiful. Philip and I admired it very much. Don t mention it, said the banker. He had noticed with satisfaction that it was larger than anyone s else. It had looked very well. They spain football kit colours began to discuss the people who attended the funeral. Shops had been closed for it, and the churchwarden took out of his pocket the notice which had been printed Owing to the funeral of Mrs. Carey this establishment will not be opened till one o clock. It was my idea, he said. I think it was very nice of them to close, said the Vicar. Poor Louisa would have appreciated that. Philip ate his dinner. Mary Ann had treated the spain football kit colours day as Sunday, and they had roast chicken and a gooseberry tart. I suppose you haven t thought about a tombston. e yet said the churchwarden. Yes, I have. I thought of a plain stone cross. Louisa was always against ostentation. I don t think one can do much better than a cross. If you re thinking of a text, what do you say to With Christ, which is far better The Vicar pursed his lips. It was just like Bismarck to try and settle everything himself. He did not like that text it seemed to cast an aspersion on himself. I don t think I should put that. I much prefer The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. Oh, do you That always seems to me a little indifferent. The Vicar answered with some acidity, and Mr. Graves replied in a tone which the widower thought too authoritative for the occasion. Things were going rather far if he could not choose his own text spain football kit colours for his own wife s tombstone. There was a pause, and then the conversation drifted to parish matters. Philip went into the garden to smoke his pipe. He sat on a bench, and suddenly began to laugh hysterically. A spain football kit colours few days later his uncle expressed the hope that he would spend the next few weeks at Blackstable. Yes, that will suit me very well, said Philip. I suppose it ll do if you go back to Paris in September. Philip did not reply. He had thought much of what Foinet said to him, but he was still so undecided that he did not wish to speak of the future. There would be something fine in giving up art because he was convinced that he could not excel but unfortunately it would seem so only to himself to others it would be an admission of defeat, and he did not want to confess that he was beaten. He was an obstinate fellow, and the suspicion that his talent did not lie in one di.oring yourself you couldn t get me the drugs cheaper. I thought of getting them down from the stores, but then there s the postage. Though apparently taking so little interest in him that he did not trouble to inquire what Phil was doing, he seemed glad to have him there. He asked how long he could stay, and when Philip told him he must leave on Tuesday morning, expressed a wish that the visit might have been longer. He told him minutely all his symptoms and repeated what the doctor had said of him. He broke off to ring his bell, and when Mrs. Foster came in, said Oh, I wasn t sure if you were there. I only rang to see if you were. When real madrid official shirts she had gone he explained to Philip that it made him uneasy if he was not certain that Mrs. Foster was within earshot she knew exactly rare football shirts what to do with him if anything happened. Philip, seeing that she was tired and that her eyes were heavy from want of sleep, suggested that he was working her too hard. Oh, nonsense, said the Vicar, she s as strong as a horse. And when next she came in to give him his medicine he said to her spain football kit colours Master Philip says you ve got too much to do, Mrs. Foster. You like looking after me, don t you Oh, I don t mind, sir. I want to do everything I can. Presently the medicine took effect and Mr. Carey fell asleep. Philip went into the kitchen and asked Mrs. Foster whether she could stand the work. He saw that for some months she had had little peace. Well, sir, what can I do she answered. The poor old gentleman s so dependent on me, and, although he is troublesome sometimes, you can t help liking him, can you I ve been here so many years now, I don t know what I shall do when he comes to go. Philip saw that she was really fond of the old man. She washed and dressed him, gave him his food, and was up half a dozen times in the night for she slept in the next room to his and whenever he awoke he tinkled his little bell till she came in. He might die at any moment, but he might live for months. It was wonderful tottenham hotspur store that she should look after a stranger with such patient tenderness, and it was tragic and pitiful that she should be alone in the world to care for him. It seemed to Philip that the religion which his uncle had preached all his life was now of no more than formal importance to him every Sunday the curate came and administered to him Holy Communion, and he often read his Bible but it was clear that he looked upon death with horror. He believed that it was the ga.
Spain Football Kit Colours marriage. Have you accepted him, Sally asked Philip. Don t you know father better than that by this time There s not a word of truth in it. Well, if he hasn t made you an offer of marriage, cried Athelny, by Saint George and Merry England, I will seize him by the nose and demand of him immediately what are his intentions. Sit down, father, dinner s ready. Now then, you children, get along with you and wash your hands all of you, and don t shirk it, because I mean to look at them before you have a scrap of dinner, so there. Philip thought he was ravenous till he began to eat, but then discovered that his stomach turned against food, and he could eat hardly at all. His brain was weary and he did not notice that Athelny, contrary to his habit, spoke very little. Philip was relieved to be sitting in a comfortable house, but every now and then he welsh football kits could not prevent himself from glancing out of the window. The day was tempestuous. The fine weather had broken and it was cold, and there was a bitter wind now and again gusts of rain drove against the window. Philip wondered what he should do that night. The Athelnys went to bed early, and he could not stay where he was after ten o clock. His heart sank at the thought of going out into the bleak darkness. It seemed more terrible now that he was with his friends than when he was outside and alone. He kept on saying to himself that there were plenty more who would be spending the night out of doors. He strove to distract his mind by talking, but in the middle of his words a spatter of rain against the window would make him start. It s like March weather, said Athelny. Not the sort of day one would like to be crossing the Channel. Presently they spain football kit colours finished, and Sally came in and cleared away. Would you like a twopenny stinker said Athelny, handing him a cigar. Philip took it and inhaled the smoke with delight. It soothed him extraordinarily. 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