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She left them, and, since for a minute or two there was no one to attend to, sat down and looked at the evening paper which a customer had left behind him. He moved back to the table from which he had got up to talk to Macalister. He was dumfounded his head suddenly began to ache furiously but he did not want them to think him unmanly. He sat on for an hour. He laughed feverishly at everything they said. At last he got up to go. You are a fool to put her back up, said Dunsford. You take it pretty coolly, said Macalister, shaking hands with him. I don t suppose anyone likes losing between three and four hundred pounds. I m really quite indifferent to the attitude of her vertebrae, replied Philip. When Philip got back to his shabby little room he flung himself on his bed, and gave himself over to his despair. He kept on regretting his folly bitterly and though he told himself that it was absurd to regret for what had happened was inevitable just because it had happened, he could not help himself. He was utterly miserable. He could not sleep. He remembered all the ways he had wasted money during the last few years. His head ached dreadfully. But he was piqued. It irritated him that when he tried to be agreeable with a woman she should take offence. When he asked for the bill, he hazarded a remark which he meant to lead further. The following evening there came by the last post the statement of his account. He examined his pass book. He found that when he had paid everything he would have seven pounds left. Seven pounds He was thankful he had been able to pay. It would have been horrible to be obliged to confess to Macalister that he had not the money. He was dressing in the eye department during the summer session, and he had bought an ophthalmoscope off a student who had one to sell. 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he felt himself at last absolutely free. In a desultory way he had read a good deal of philosophy, and he looked forward with delight to the leisure of the next few months. He began to read at haphazard. He entered upon each system with a little thrill of excitement, expecting to find in each some guide by which he could rule his conduct he felt himself like a traveller in unknown countries and as he pushed forward the enterprise fascinated him he read emotionally, as other men read pure literature, and his heart leaped as he discovered in noble words what himself had obscurely felt. His mind was concrete and moved with difficulty in regions of the abstract but, even when he could not follow the reasoning, it gave him a curious pleasure to follow the tortuosities of thoughts that threaded their nimble way on the edge of the incomprehensible. Sometimes great philosophers seemed to have nothing to say to him, but at others he recognised a mind with which he felt himself at home. He was like the explorer in Central Africa who comes suddenly upon wide uplands, with great trees in them and stretches of meadow, so that he might fancy himself in an English park. He delighted in the robust common sense of Thomas Hobbes Spinoza filled him with awe, he had never before come in contact with a mind so noble, so unapproachable and austere it reminded him of that statue by Rodin, L Age d Airain, which he passionately admired and then there was Hume the scepticism of that charming philosopher touched a kindred note in Philip and, revelling in the lucid style retro scottish football shirts which seemed able to put complicated thought into simple words, musical and measured, he read as he might have read a novel, a smile of pleasure on his lips. But in none could he find exactly what he wanted. 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You will marry me, won t you D you think we should be happy No. But what does that matter The words were wrung out of him almost against his will. They surprised her. Well, you are a funny chap. Why d you want to marry me then The other day you said you couldn t afford it. I think I ve got about fourteen hundred pounds left. Two can live just as cheaply as one. That ll keep us till I m qualified and have got through with my hospital appointments, and then I can get an assistantship. It means you wouldn t be able to earn anything for six years. We should have about four pounds a week to live on till then, shouldn t we Not much more than three. There are all my fees to pay. And what would you get as an assistant Three pounds a week. D you mean to say you have to work all that time and spend a small fortune just to earn three pounds a week at the end of it I don t see that I should be any better off than I am now. He was silent for a moment. D you mean to say you won t marry me he retro scottish football shirts asked hoarsely. Does my great love mean nothing to you at all One has to think of oneself in those things, don t one I shouldn t mind marrying, but I don t want to marry if I m going to be no better off than what I am now. I don t see the use of it. If you cared for me you wouldn t think of all that. P raps not. He was silent. He drank a glass of wine in order to get rid of the choking in his throat. Look at that girl who s just going out, said Mildred. She got them furs at the Bon Marche at Brixton. I saw them in the window last time I went down there. Philip smiled grimly. What liverpool soccer shirt are you laughing at she asked. It s true. And I said to my aunt at the time, I wouldn t buy retro scottish football shirts anything that had been in the window like that, for every. one to know how much you paid for it. I can t understand you. You make me frightfully unhappy, and in the next breath you talk rot that has nothing to do with what we re speaking about. You are nasty to me, she answered, aggrieved. I can t help noticing those furs, because I said to my aunt I don t care a damn what you said to your aunt, he interrupted impatiently. I wish you wouldn t use bad language when you speak to me Philip. You know I don t like it. Philip smiled a little, but his eyes were wild. He was silent for a while. retro scottish football shirts He looked at her sullenly. He hated, despised, and loved her. If I had an ounce of sense I d never see you again, he said at last. If you only.a table near them, and now and then they looked at Mildred he wondered if they envied him dining with a pretty girl perha. ps they were wishing they stood in his shoes. It was Mildred who broke the silence. What s the good of our going away together I d be thinking of him all the time. It wouldn t be football kits much fun for you. That s my business, he answered. She thought over all his reply implicated, and she reddened. But that s just beastly. What of it I thought you were a gentleman in every sense of the word. You were mistaken. His reply entertained him, and he laughed as he said it. For God s sake don t laugh, she cried. I can t come away with you, Philip. I m awfully sorry. I know I haven t behaved well to you, but one can t force themselves. Have you forgotten that when you were in trouble I did everything for you I planked out the money to keep you till your baby was born, I paid for your doctor and everything, I paid for you to go to Brighton, and I m paying for the keep of your baby, I m paying for your clothes, I m paying for every stitch you ve got on now. If you was a gentleman you wouldn t throw what you ve done for me in my face. Oh, for goodness sake, shut up. What d you suppose I care if I m a gentleman or not If I were a gentleman I shouldn t waste my time with a vulgar slut like you. I don t care a damn if you like me or not. I m sick of being made a blasted fool of. You re jolly well coming to Paris with retro scottish football shirts me on Saturday or you can take the consequences. Her cheeks were red with anger, and when she answered her voice had the hard commonness which she concealed barcelona apparel generally by a genteel enunciation. I never liked you, not from the beginning, but you forced yourself on me, I always hated it when you kissed me. I wouldn t let you touch me now not if I was starving. Philip tried to swallow the food on his retro scottish football shirts plate, but the muscles of his throat refused to act. He gulped down something to drink and lit retro scottish football shirts a cigarette. He was trembling in every part. He did not speak. He waited for her to move, but she sat in silence, staring at the white tablecloth. If they had been alone he would have flung his arms round her and kissed her passionately he fancied the throwing back of her long white throat as he pressed upon her mouth with his lips. They passed an hour without speaking, and at last Philip thought the waiter began to stare at them curiously. He called for the bill. Shall we go he said then, in an even tone. She did not reply, but gathered together.
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