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Printed matter had always been a fetish to Philip, and now, in order to make himself more interesting, he read industriously The Sporting Times. chapter 62 Philip did not surrender himself willingly to the passion that consumed him. He knew that all things human are transitory and therefore that it must cease one day or another. He looked forward to that day with eager longing. Love was like a parasite in his heart, nourishing a hateful existence on his life s blood it absorbed his existence so intensely that he could take pleasure in nothing else. He had been used to delight in the grace of St. James Park, and often he sat and looked at the branches of a tree silhouetted against the sky, it was like a Japanese print and he found a continual magic in the beautiful Thames with its barges and its wharfs the changing sky of London had filled his soul with pleasant fancies. But now beauty meant nothing to cool t shirts barcelona him. He was bored and restless when he was not with Mildred. Sometimes he thought he would console his sorrow by looking at pictures, but he walked through the National Gallery like a sight seer and no picture called up in him a thrill of emotion. He wondered if he could ever care again for all the things he had loved. He had been devoted to reading, but now books were meaningless and he spent his spare hours in the smoking room of the hospital club, turning over innumerable periodicals. This love was a torment, and he resented bitterly the subjugation in which it held him he was a prisoner and he longed for freedom. Sometimes he awoke in the morning and felt nothing his soul leaped, for he thought he was free he loved no longer but in a little while, as he grew wide awake, the pain settled in his heart, and he knew that he was not cured yet. Though he yearned for Mildred so madly he despised her. He thought to himself that there could be no greater torture in the world than at the same time to love and to contemn. 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But passion for him He would not have been surprised if she had fallen to her cousin, Peter Gann, tall, spare, and straight, with his sunburned face and long, easy stride. Philip wondered what she saw in him. He did not know if she loved him as he reckoned love. And yet He was convinced of her purity. He had a vague inkling that many things had combined, things that she felt though was unconscious of, the intoxication of the air and the hops and the night, arsenal new jersey 2019 the healthy instincts of the natural woman, a tenderness that overflowed, and an affection that had in it something maternal and something sisterly and she gave all she had to give because her heart was full of charity. He heard a step on the road, and a figure came out of the darkness. Sally, he murmured. She stopped and came to the stile, and with her came sweet, clean odours of the country side. She seemed to carry with her scents of the new mown hay, and the savour of ripe hops, and the freshness of young grass. Her lips were soft and full against his, and her lovely, strong body was firm within his arms. Milk and honey, he said. You re like milk and honey. He made her close her eyes and kissed her eyelids, first one and then the other. Her real madrid warm up sweater arm, strong and muscular, was bare to the real madrid warm up sweater elbow he passed his hand over real madrid warm up sweater it and wondered at its beauty it gleamed in the darkness she had the skin that Rubens painted, astonishingly fair and transparent, and on one side were little golden hairs. It was the arm of a Saxon goddess but no immortal had that exquisite, homely naturalness and Philip thought of a cottage garden with the dear flowers which bloom in all men s hearts, of the hollyhock and the red and white rose which is called York and Lancaster, and of love in a mist and Sweet William, and honeysuckle, larkspur, and London Pride. How can you care for me he said. I m insignificant and crippled and ordinary and ugly. She took his face in both her hands and kissed his lips. You re an old silly, that s what you are, she said. chapter 121 When the hops were picked, Philip with the news in his pocket that he had got the appointment as assistant house physician at St. Luke s, accompanied the Athelnys back to London. He took modest rooms in Westminster and at the beginn.u. She walked on quickly, and he had to hurry to keep up with her. You never make allowances for me, he said. It s all very well to be jolly and amiable when you re indifferent to anyone. It s very hard when you re as much in love real madrid warm up sweater as I am. Have mercy on me. I don t mind that you don t care for me. After all you can t help it. I only want you to let me love you. She walked on, refusing to speak, and Philip saw with agony that they had only a few hundred yards to go before they reached her house. He abased himself. He poured out an incoherent story of love and penitence. If you ll only forgive me this time I promise you you ll never have to complain of me in future. You can go out with whoever you choose. I ll be only too glad if you ll come with me when you ve got nothing better to do. She stopped again, for they had reached the corner at which he always left her. Now you can take yourself off. I won t have you coming up to manchester city mens shirt the door. I won t go till you say you ll forgive me. I m sick and tired of the whole thing. He hesitated a moment, for he had an instinct that he could say something that would move her. It made him feel almost sick to utter the words. It is cruel, I have so much to put up with. You don t know what it is to be a cripple. Of course you don t like me. I can t expect you to. Philip, I didn t mean that, she answered quickly, with a sudden break of pity in her voice. You know it s not true. He was beginning to act now, and his voice was husky and low. Oh, I ve felt it, he said. She took his hand and looked at him, and her own eyes were filled with tears. I promise you it never made any difference to me. I never thought about it after the first day or two. He kept a gloomy, tragic silence. He wanted her to think he was overcome with emotion. You know I like you awfully, Philip. Only you are so trying sometimes. Let s make it up. She put up her lips to his, and with a sigh of relief he kissed her. Now ar. e you happy again she asked. Madly She bade him good night and hurried down the road. Next day he took her in a little watch with a brooch to pin on her dress. She had been hankering for it. But three or four days later, when she brought him his tea, Mildred said to him You remember what you promised the other night You mean to keep that, don t you Yes. He knew exactly what she meant and was prepared for her next words. Because I m going out with that gentleman I told you about tonight. All right. I hope you ll enjoy yourself. You.
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Her mouth, with its narrow pale lips, was ugly, and her skin was faintly green. I shall give you Blaud s Pills in quantities when we re away, said Philip, laughing. I m going to bring you back fat and rosy. I don t want to get fat, she said. She did not speak of Griffiths, and presently while they were dining Philip half in malice, for he felt sure of himself and his power over her, said It seems to me you were having a great flirtation with Harry last night I told you I was in love with him, she real madrid warm up sweater laughed. I m glad to know that he s not in love with you. How d you know I asked him. She hesitated a moment, looking at Philip, and a curious gleam came into her eyes. Would you like to read a letter I had from him this morning She handed him an envelope and Philip recognised Griffiths bold, legible writing. There were eight pages. It was well written, frank and charming it was the letter of a man who was used to making love to women. He told Mildred that he loved her passionately, he had fallen in love with her the first moment he saw her he did not want to love her, for he knew how fond Philip was of her, but he could not help himself. Philip was such a dear, and he was very much ashamed of himself, but it was not his fault.