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Portugal Soccer Hoodie as with text books. Philip zlatan ibrahimovic shirt psg saw Norah every day. Lawson had been spending the summer at Poole, and had a number of sketches to show of the harbour and of the beach. He had a couple of commissions for portraits and proposed to stay in London till the bad light drove him away. Hayward, in London too, intended to spend the winter abroad, but remained week after week from sheer inability to make up his mind to go. Hayward had run to fat during the last two or three years it was five years since Philip first met him in Heidelberg and he was prematurely bald. He was very sensitive about it and wore his hair long to conceal the unsightly patch on the crown of his head. His only consolation was that his brow was now very noble. His blue eyes had lost their colour they had a listless droop and his mouth, losing the fulness of youth, was weak and pale. He still talked vaguely of the things he was going to do in the future, but with less conviction and he was conscious that his friends no longer believed in him when he had drank two or three glasses of whiskey he was inclined to be elegiac. I m a failure, he murmured, I m unfit for the brutality of the struggle of life. All I can do is to stand aside and let the vulgar throng hustle by in their pursuit of the good things. He gave you the impression that to fail was a more delicate, a more. exquisite thing, than to succeed. He insinuated that his aloofness was due to distaste for all that was common and low. He talked beautifully of Plato. I should have thought you d got through with Plato by now, said Philip impatiently. Would you he asked, raising his eyebrows. He was not inclined to pursue the subject. He had discovered of late the effective dignity of silence. I don t see the use of reading the same thing over and over again, said Philip. That s only a laborious form of idleness. But are you under the impression that you have so great a mind that you can understand the most profound writer at a first reading I don t want to understand him, I m not a critic. I m not interested in him for his sake but for mine. Why d you read then Partly for pleasure, because it s a habit and I m just portugal soccer hoodie as uncomfortable if I portugal soccer hoodie don t read as if I customized football kits don t smoke, and partly to know myself. When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, ac milan shirt printing which has a meaning for ME, and it becomes part of me I ve got out of the book all that s any use to me, and I can t get a.notwithstanding the beastly lust that disfigured them, and the meanness of their faces, and the cruelty, notwithstanding the stupidness which was worst of all, the anguish of those fixed eyes made all that crowd terrible and pathetic. Philip loathed them, and yet his heart ached with the infinite pity which filled him. He took his coat from the cloak room and went out into the bitter coldness of the night. chapter 50 Philip could not get the unhappy event out of his head. What troubled him most was the uselessness of Fanny s effort. No one could have worked harder than she, nor with more sincerity she believed in herself with all her heart but it was plain that self confidence meant very little, all his friends had it, Miguel Ajuria among the rest and Philip was shocked by the contrast between the Spaniard s heroic endeavour and the triviality of the thing he attempted. The unhappiness of Philip s life at school had called up in him the power of self analysis and this vice, as subtle as drug taking, had taken possession of him so that he had now a peculiar keenness in the dissection of his feelings. He could not help seeing that art affected him differently from. others. A fine picture gave Lawson an immediate thrill. His appreciation was instinctive. Even Flanagan felt certain things which Philip was obliged to think out. His own appreciation was intellectual. He could not help thinking that if he had in him the artistic temperament he hated the phrase, but could discover no other he would feel beauty in the emotional, unreasoning way in which they did. He began to wonder whether he had anything more than a superficial cleverness of the hand which enabled him to copy objects with accuracy. That was nothing. He had learned to despise technical dexterity. The important thing was to feel in terms of paint. Lawson painted in a certain way because it was his nature to, and through the imitativeness of a student sensitive to every influence, there pierced individuality. Philip looked at his own portrait of Ruth Chalice, and now that three months had passed he realised that it was no more than a servile copy of Lawson. He felt himself barren. 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