New Arsenal Top new arsenal top teway to life everlasting, but he did not want to enter upon that life. In constant pain, chained to his chair and having given up the hope of ever getting out into the open again, like a child in the hands of a woman to whom he paid wages, he clung to the world he knew. In Philip s head was a question he could not ask, because he was aware that his uncle would never give any but a conventional answer he wondered whether at the very end, now that the machine was painfully wearing itself out, the clergyman still believed in immortality perhaps at the bottom of his soul, not allowed to shape itself into words in case it became urgent, was the conviction that there was no God and after this life nothing. On the evening of Boxing Day Philip sat in the dining room with his uncle. He had to start very early next morning in order to get to the shop by nine, and new arsenal top he was to say good new arsenal top night to Mr. Carey then. The Vicar of Blackstable was dozing and Philip, lying on the sofa by the window, let his book fall on his knees and looked idly round the room. He asked himself how much the furniture would fetch. He had walked round the house and looked at the things he had known from his childhood new arsenal top there were a few pieces of china which might go for a decent price and Philip wondered if it would be worth while to take them up to London but the furniture was of the Victorian order, of mahogany, solid and ugly it would go for nothing at an auction. There were three or four thousand books, but everyone knew how badly they sold, and it was not probable that they would fetch more than a hundred pounds. Philip did not know how much his uncle would leave, and he reckoned out for the hundredth time what was the least sum upon which he could finish the curriculum at the hospital, take his degree, and live during the time he wished to spend on hospital appointments. He looked at the old man, sleeping restlessly there was no humanity left in that shrivelled face it was the face of some queer animal. Philip thought how easy it would be to finish that useless life. He had thought it each evening when Mrs. Foster prepared for his uncle new arsenal top the medicine which was to give him an easy night. There were two bottles one contained a drug which he took regularly, and the other an opiate if the pain grew unendurable. This was poured out for him and left by his bed side. He generally took it at three or four in the morning. It would be a simple thing to double th.s, a boy with tuberculous ulcers, and removed his bandages. The boy was pleased to see him, and Philip chaffed him as he put a clean dressing on juve shirt the wound. Philip was a favourite with the patients he treated them good humouredly and he had gentle, sensitive hands which did not hurt them some of the dressers were a little rough and happy go lucky in their methods. He lunched with his friends in the club room, a frugal meal consisting of a scone and butter, with a cup of cocoa, and they talked of the war. Several men were going out, but the authorities were particular and refused everyone who had not had a hospital appointment. Someone suggested that, if the war went on, in a while they would be glad to take anyone who was qualified but the general opinion was that it would be over in a month. Now that Roberts was there things would get all right in no time. This was Macalister s opinion too, and he had told Philip that they must watch their chance and buy just before peace was declared. There would be a boom then, and they might all make a bit of money. Philip had left with Macalister instructions to buy him stock whenever the opportunity presented itself. His appetite had been whetted by the thirty pounds he had made in the summer, and he wanted now to make a couple of hundred. He finished his day s work and got on a tram to go back to Kennington. He wondered how Mildred would behave that evening. It was a nuisance to think that she would probably be surly and refuse to answer his questions. It was a warm evening new arsenal top for the time of year, and even in those gray streets of South London there was the languor of February nature is restless then after the long winter months, growing things awake from their sleep, and there is a rustle in the earth, a forerunner of spring, as it resumes its eternal activities. Philip would have liked to drive on further, it was distasteful to him to go back to his rooms, and he wanted the air but the desire to see the child clutched suddenly at his heartstrings, and he smiled to himself as he thought of her toddling towards him with a crow of delight. He was surprised, when he reached the house and looked up mechanically at the windows, to see that there was no light. He went upstairs and knocked, but got no answer. When Mildred went out she left the key under the mat and he found it there now. He let himself in and going into the sitting room struck a match. Something had happened, he did.
himself. But he was pleased and happy and flattered. She was evidently frightfully gone on him. As he limped along the high street of Blackstable he looked with a tinge of superciliousness at the people he passed. He knew a good many to nod to, and as he gave them a smile of recognition he thought to himself, if they only knew He did want someone to know very badly. He thought he would write to Hayward, new arsenal top and in his new arsenal top mind composed the letter. He would talk of the garden and the roses, and the little French governess, like an exotic flower amongst them, scented and perverse he would say she was French, because well, she had lived in France so long that she almost was, and besides it would be shabby to give the whole thing away too exactly, don t you know and he would tell Hayward how he had seen her first in her pretty muslin dress and of the flower she had given him. He made a delicate idyl of it the sunshine and the sea gave it passion and magic, and the stars added poetry, and the old vicarage garden was a fit and exquisite setting. There was something Meredithian about it it was not quite Lucy Feverel and not quite Clara Middleton but it was inexpressibly charming. Philip s heart england football gear beat quickly. He was so delighted with his fancies that he began thinking of them again as soon as he crawled back, dripping and cold, into his bathing machine. He thought of the object of his affections. She had the most adorable little nose and large brown eyes he would describe her to Hayward and masses of soft brown hair, the sort of hair it was delicious to bury your face in, and a skin which was like ivory and sunshine, and her cheek was like a red, red rose. How old was she Eighteen perhaps, and he called her Musette. Her laughter was like manchester united jacket a rippling brook, and her voice was so soft, so low, it was the sweetest music he had ever heard. What ARE you thinking about Philip stopped suddenly. He was walking slowly home. I ve been waving at you for the last quarter of a mile. You ARE absent minded. Miss Wilkinson was standing in front of him, laughing at his surprise. I thought I d come and meet you. That s awfully nice of you, he said. Did I startle you You did a tottenham hotspur shirt sports direct bit, he admitted. He wrote his letter to Hayward all the same. There were eight pages of it. The fortnight that remained passed quickly, and though each evening, when they went into the garden after supper, Miss Wilkinson remarked that one day more had gone, Philip was in too.ful heart. He was intensely moved by the grandeur of pink football shirt the struggle for life, and the ethical rule which it liverpool t shirts history suggested seemed to fit in with his predispositions. He said to himself that might was right. Society stood on one side, an organism with its own laws of growth and self preservation, while the individual stood on the other. The actions which were to the advantage of society it termed virtuous and those which were not it called vicious. Good and evil meant nothing more than that. Sin was a prejudice from which the free man should rid himself. Society had three arms in its contest with the individual, laws, public opinion, and co. nscience the first two could be met by guile, guile is the only weapon of the weak against the strong common opinion put the matter well when it stated that sin consisted in being found out but conscience was the traitor within the gates it fought in each heart the battle of society, and caused the individual to throw himself, a wanton sacrifice, to the prosperity of his enemy. For it was clear that the two were irreconcilable, the state and the individual conscious of himself. THAT uses the individual for its own ends, trampling upon him if he thwarts it, rewarding him with medals, pensions, honours, when he serves it faithfully THIS, strong only in his independence, threads his way through the state, for convenience sake, paying in money or service for certain benefits, but with no sense of obligation and, indifferent to the rewards, asks only to be left alone. He is the independent traveller, who uses Cook s tickets because they save trouble, but looks with good humoured contempt on the personally conducted parties. The free man can do no wrong. He does everything he likes if he can. His power is the only measure of his morality. He recognises the laws of the state and he can break them without sense of sin, but if he is punished he accepts the punishment without rancour. Society has the power. But if for the individual there was no right and no wrong, then it seemed to Philip that conscience lost its power. It was with a cry of triumph that he seized the knave and flung him from his breast. But he was no nearer to the meaning of life than he had been before. Why the world was there and what men had come into existence for at all was as inexplicable as ever. Surely there must be some reason. He thought of Cronshaw s parable of the Persian carpet. He offered it as a solution of the riddle, and mysteriously he st.and his boots, he laughed. Of course it was folly, he said, but it was a folly in which there was something fine. Philip, with a little thrill, thought it magnificent. Then Hayward went to London to read for the Bar. He had charming rooms in Clement s Inn, with panelled walls, and he tried to make them look like his old rooms at the Hall. He had ambitions that were vaguely political, he described himself as a Whig, and he was put up for a club which was of Liberal but gentlemanly flavour. His idea was to practise at the Bar he chose the Chancery side as less brutal , and get a seat for some pleasant constituency as soon as the various promises made him were carried out meanwhile he went a great deal to the opera, and made acquaintance with a small number of charming people who admired the things that he admired. He joined a dining club of which the motto was, The Whole, The Good, and The Beautiful. He formed a platonic friendship with a lady some years older than himself, who lived in Kensington Square and nearly every afternoon he drank tea with her by the light of shaded candles, and talked of George Meredith and Walter Pater. It was notorious that any fool could pass the examinations of the Bar Council, and he pursued his studies in a dilatory fashion. When he was ploughed for his final he looked upon it as a personal affront. At the same time the lady in Kensington Square told him that her husband was coming home from India on leave, and was a man, though worthy in every way, of a commonplace mind, who would not understand a young man s frequent visits. Hayward felt that life was full of ugliness, his soul revolted from the new arsenal top thought of affronting again the cynicism of examiners, and he saw something rather splendid in kicking away the ball which lay at his feet. He was also a good deal in debt it was difficult to live in London like a gentleman on three hundred a year and his heart yearned for the Venice and Florence which John Ruskin had so magically described. He felt that he was unsuited to the vulgar bustle of the Bar, for he had discovered that it was not sufficient to put your name on a door to get briefs and modern politics seemed to lack nobility. He felt himself a poet. He disposed of his rooms in Clement s Inn and went to Italy. He. had spent a winter in Florence and a winter in Rome, and now was passing his second summer abroad in Germany so that he might read Goethe in the original. Hayward had one gift which was very precious
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