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Never We ve had our ups and downs, we ve had our struggles, we ve always been poor, but it s been worth it, ay. , worth it a hundred times I say when I look round at my children. You do talk, Athelny, she manchester city goalkeeper kit said, looking at him, not with anger but with scornful calm. You ve had the pleasant part of the children, I ve had the bearing of them, and the bearing with them. I don t say that I m not fond of them, now they re there, but if I had my time over again I d remain single. Why, if I d remained single I might have a little shop by now, and man united home kit four or five hundred pounds in the bank, and a girl manchester city goalkeeper kit to do the rough work. Oh, I wouldn t go over my life again, not for something. Philip thought of the countless millions to whom life is no more than unending labour, neither beautiful nor ugly, but just to be accepted in the same spirit as one accepts the changes of the seasons. Fury seized him because it all seemed useless. He could not reconcile himself to the belief that life had no meaning and yet everything he saw, all his thoughts, added to the force of his conviction. But though fury seized him it was a joyful fury. life was not so horrible if it was meaningless, and he faced it with a strange sense of power. chapter 109 The autumn passed into winter. Philip had left his address with Mrs. Foster, his uncle s housekeeper, so that she might communicate with him, but still went once a week to the hospital on the chance of there being a letter. One evening he saw his name on an envelope in a handwriting he had hoped never to see again. It gave him a queer feeling. For a little while he could not bring himself to take it. It brought back a host of hateful memories. But at length, impatient with himself, he ripped open the envelope. 7 William Street, Fitzroy Square. Dear Phil, Can I see you for a minute or two as soon as possible. I am in awful trouble and don t know what to do. It s not money. Yours truly, Mildred. He tore the letter into little bits and going out into the street scattered them in the darkness. I ll see her damned, he muttered. A feeling of disgust surged up in him at the thought of seeing her again. He did not care if she was in distress, it served h.love me, and it was absurd to blame you for that. I thought I could make you love me, but I know now that was impossible. I don t know what it is that makes someone love you, but whatever it is, it s the only thing that matters, and if it isn t there you won t create it by kindness, or generosity, or anything of that sort. I should have thought if you d loved me really you d have loved me still. I should have thought so too. I remember how I used to think that it would last for ever, I felt I would rather die than be without you, and I used to long for the time when you would be faded and wrinkled so that nobody cared for you any more and I should have you all to myself. boys arsenal football socks She did not answer, and presently she got up and said she was going to bed. She gave a timid little smile. It s Christmas Day, Philip, won t you kiss me good night He gave a laugh, blushed slightly, and kissed her. She went to her bed room and he began to read. chapter 96 The climax came two or three weeks later. Mildred was driven by Philip s behaviour to a pitch of strange exasperation. There were many different emotions in her soul, and she passed from mood to mood with facility. She spent a great deal of time alone and brooded over her position. She did not put all her feelings into words, she did not even know what they were, but certain things stood out in her mind, and she thought of them over and over again. She had never understood Philip, nor had very much liked him but she was pleased to have him about her because she thought he was a gentleman. She was impressed because his father had been a doctor and his uncle was a clergyman. She despised him a little because she had made such a fool of him, and at the same time was never quite comfortable in his presence she could not let herself go, and she felt that he was criticising her manners. When she first came to live in the little rooms in Kennington she was tired out and ashamed. manchester city goalkeeper kit She was glad to be left alone. It was a comfort to think that there was no rent to pay she need not go out in all weathers, and she could lie quietly in bed if she did not feel well. She had hated the life she led. It was horrible to have to be affable and subservient and even now when it crossed her mind she cried with pity for herself as she thought of the roughness of men and their brutal language. But it crossed her mind very seldom. She was grateful to Philip for coming to her rescue, and when she remember.
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I shall be going to Amitrano s about nine tomorrow, and if you ll be there then I ll see that you get a good place and all that sort of thing. She asked him what he wanted to do, and Philip felt that he should not let her see how vague he was about the whole matter. Well, first I want to learn to draw, he said. I m so glad to hear you say that. People always want to do things in such a hurry. I never touched oils till I d been here for two years, and look at the result. She gave a glance at the portrait of her mother, a sticky piece of painting that hung over the piano. And if I were you, I would be very careful about the people you get to know. I wouldn t mix myself up with any foreigners. I m very careful myself. Philip thanked her for the suggestion, but it seemed to him odd. He did not know that he particularly wanted to be careful. We live just as we would if we were in England, said Mrs. Otter s mother, who till then had spoken little. 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