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Don t you know that if you put an electric blue in the window it ll kill all the other blues He looked round the department ferociously, and his eye fell upon Philip. You ll dress the window next Friday, Carey. let s see what you can make of it. He went into his office, muttering angrily. Philip s heart sank. When Friday morning came he went into the window with a sickening sense of shame. His cheeks man utd new kits were burning. It was horrible to display himself to the passers by, and though he told himself it was foolish to give way to such a feeling he turned his back to the street. There was not much chance that any of the students at the hospital would pass along Oxford Street at that hour, and he knew hardly anyone else in London but as Philip worked, with a huge lump in his throat, he fancied that on turning round he would catch the eye of some man he knew. He made all the haste he could. 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the street, he did not speak to him. I think it was very pushing, he remarked. There were forty one wreaths. Yours was beautiful. Philip and I admired it very much. Don t mention it, said the banker. He had noticed with satisfaction that it was larger than anyone s else. It had looked very well. They began to discuss the people who attended the funeral. Shops had been closed for it, and the churchwarden took out of his pocket the notice england home jersey 2019 which had been printed Owing to the funeral of Mrs. Carey this establishment will not be opened till one o clock. It was my idea, he said. I think it was very nice of them to close, said the Vicar. Poor Louisa would have appreciated that. Philip ate his dinner. Mary Ann had treated the day as Sunday, and they had roast chicken and a gooseberry tart. I suppose you haven t thought about a tombston. e yet said the churchwarden. Yes, I have. I thought of a plain stone cross. Louisa was always against ostentation. I don t think one can do much better than a cross. If you re thinking of a text, what do you say to With Christ, which is manchester city fc jacket far better The Vicar pursed his lips. It was just like Bismarck to try and settle everything himself. He did not like that text it seemed to cast an aspersion on himself. I don t think I should put that. I much prefer The Lord has given and the Lord has taken away. Oh, do you That always seems to me a little indifferent. The Vicar answered with some acidity, and Mr. Graves replied in a tone which the widower thought too authoritative for the occasion. Things were going rather far if he could not choose his own text for his own wife s tombstone. There was a pause, and then the conversation drifted to parish matters. Philip went into the garden to smoke his pipe. He sat on a bench, and suddenly began to laugh hysterically. A few days later his uncle expressed the hope that he would spend the next few weeks at Blackstable. Yes, that will suit me very well, said manchester city fc jacket Philip. I suppose it ll do if you go back to Paris in September. Philip did not reply. He had thought much of what Foinet said to him, but he was still so undecided that he did not wish to speak of the future. There would be something fine in giving up art because he was convinced that he could not excel but unfortunately it would seem so only to himself to others it would be an admission of defeat, and he did not want to confess that he was beaten. He was an obstinate fellow, and the suspicion that his talent did not lie in one di.im unconsciously, there seized him a panic fear that perhaps after all it was all true, and there was, up there behind the blue sky, a jealous God who would punish in everlasting flames the atheist. At these times his reason could offer him no help, he imagined the anguish of a physical torment which would last endlessly, he felt quite sick with fear and burst into a violent sweat. At last he would say to himself desperately After all, it s not my fault. I can t force myself to believe. If there is a God after all and he punishes me because I honestly don t believe in Him I can t help it. chapter 29 Winter set in. Weeks went to Berlin to attend the lectures of Paulssen, and Hayward began to think of going South. The local theatre opened its doors. Philip and Hayward went to it two or three times a week with the praiseworthy intention of improving their German, and Philip found it a more diverting manner of perfecting himself in the language than listening to sermons. They found themselves in the midst of a revival of the drama. Several manchester city jersey full sleeve of Ibsen s plays were on the repertory for the winter Sudermann s Die Ehre was then a new play, and on its production in the quiet university town caused the greatest excitement it was extravagantly praised and bitterly attacked other dramatists followed with plays written under the modern influence, and Philip witnessed a series of works in which the vileness of mankind was displayed before him. He had never been to a play in his life till then poor touring companies sometimes came to the Assembly Rooms at Blackstable, but the Vicar, partly on account of his profession, partly because he thought it would be vulgar, never went to see them and the passion of the stage seized him. He felt a thrill the moment he got into the little, shabby, ill lit theatre. Soon he came to know the peculiarities of the small company, and by the casting could tell at once what were the characteristics of the persons in the drama but this made no difference to him. To him it was real life. It was a strange life, dark and tortured, in which men and women showed to remorseless eyes the evil that was in their hearts a fair face concealed a depraved mind the virtuous used virtue as a mask to hide their yokohama soccer jersey secret vice, the seeming strong fainted within with their weakness the honest were corrupt, the chaste were lewd. You seemed to dwell in a room where the night before an orgy had taken place the windows had no.her thoughts flung back to Ruth Chalice. The filthy beast, she cried. She isn t manchester city fc jacket fit to speak to. Philip looked at her with a sinking heart. He was not a man to think girls were in love with him he was too conscious of his deformity, and he felt awkward and clumsy with women but he did not know what else this outburst could mean. Fanny Price, in the dirty brown dress, with her hair falling over her face, sloppy, untidy, stood before him and tears of anger rolled down her cheeks. She was repellent. Philip glanced at the door, instinctively hoping that someone would come in and put an end to the scene. I m awfully sorry, he said. You re just the same as all of them. You take all you can get, and you don t even say thank you. I ve taught you everything you know. No one else would take any trouble with you. Has Foinet ever bothered about you And I can tell you this you can work here for a thousand years and you ll never do any good. You haven t got any talent. You haven t got any originality. And it s not only me they all say it. You ll never be manchester city fc jacket a painter as long as you live. That is no ac milan kits 2019 19 dream league soccer business of yours either, is it said Philip, flushing. Oh, you think it s only my temper. man utd shirt 1992 Ask Clutton, ask Lawson, ask Chalice. Never, never, never. You haven t got it in you. Philip shrugged his shoulders and walked out. She shouted after him. Never, never, never. Moret was in those days an old fashioned town of one street at the edge of the forest of Fontainebleau, and the Ecu d Or was a hotel which still had about it the decrepit air of the Ancien Regime. It faced the winding river, the Loing and Miss Chalice had a room wi. th a little terrace overlooking it, with a charming view of the old bridge and manchester city fc jacket its fortified gateway. They sat here in the evenings after dinner, drinking coffee, smoking, and discussing art. There ran into the river, a little way off, a narrow canal bordered by poplars, and along the banks of this after their day s work they often wandered. They spent all day painting. Like most of their generation they were obsessed by the fear of the picturesque, and they turned their backs on the manchester city fc jacket obvious beauty of the town to seek subjects which were devoid of a prettiness they despised. Sisley and Monet had painted the canal with its poplars, and they felt a desire to try their hands at what was so typical of France but they were frightened of its formal beauty, and set themselves deliberately to avoid under armour spurs kit it. Miss Chalice, who had a clever dexterity which im.
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