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dmaster, and angry with himself. I don t think I m going up to Oxford, he said. Why not I thought your idea was to be ordained. I ve changed my mind. Why Philip did not answer. Mr. Perkins, holding himself oddly as he always did, like a figure in one of Perugino s pictures, drew his fingers thoughtfully through his beard. He looked at Philip as though he were trying to understand and then abruptly told him he might go. Apparently he was not satisfied, for one evening, a week later, when Philip had to go into his study with some paper. s, he resumed the conversation but this time he adopted a different method he spoke to Philip not as a schoolmaster with a boy but as one human being with another. He did not seem to care now that Philip s work was poor, that he ran small chance against keen rivals of carrying off the scholarship necessary for him to go to Oxford the important matter juventus shirt 2019 sports direct was his changed intention about his life afterwards. Mr. Perkins set himself to revive his eagerness to be ordained. With infinite skill he worked on his feelings, and this was easier since he was himself genuinely moved. Philip s change of mind caused him bitter distress, and he really thought he was throwing away his chance of happiness in life for he knew not what. His voice was very persuasive. And Philip, easily moved by the emotion of others, very emotional himself notwithstanding a placid exterior his face, partly by nature but also from the habit of all these years at school, seldom except by his quick flushing showed what he felt Philip was deeply touched by what the master said. He was very grateful to him for the interest he showed, and he was conscience stricken by the grief which he felt his behaviour caused him. It was subtly flattering to know that with the whole school to think about Mr. Perkins should trouble with him, but at the same time something else in him, like another person standing at his elbow, clung desperately to two words. I won t. I won t. I won leicester city kit url t. He felt himself slipping. He was powerless against the weakness that seemed to well up in him it was like the water that rises up in an empty bottle held over a full basin and he set his teeth, saying the words over and over to himself. I won t. I won t. I won t. At last Mr. Perkins put his hand on Philip s shoulder. I don t want to man united match worn shirts influence you, he said. You must decide for yourself. Pray to Almighty God for help and guidance. When Philip came out of the headmaster man united match worn shirts s house there was a light.hing would induce him to put up with such another and determined next morning to write to his uncle, or to Mr. Nixon, the solicitor, or to Lawson but when the time came he could not bring himself to make the humiliating cheap italy jerseys confession of his utter failure. He did not know how Lawson would take it. In their friendship Lawson had been scatter brained and he had prided himself on his common sense. He would have to tell the whole history of his folly. He had an uneasy feeling that Lawson, after helping him, would turn the cold shoulder on him. His uncle and the solicitor would of course do something for him, but he dreaded their reproaches. He did not want anyone to reproach him he clenched his teeth and repeated that what had happened was inevitable just because it had happened. Regret was absurd. The days were unending, and the five shillings Lawson had lent him would not last much longer. Philip longed for Sunday to come so that he could go to Athelny s. He did not know what prevented him from going there sooner, except perhaps that he wanted so badly to get through on his own for Athelny, who had been in straits as desperate, was the only person who could do anything for him. Perhaps after dinner he could bring himself to tell Athelny that he was in difficulties. Philip repeated to himself over and over again what he should say to him. He was dreadfully afraid that Athelny would put him off with airy phrases that would be so horrible that he wanted to delay as long as possible the putting of him to the test. Philip had lost all confidence in his fellows. Saturday night was cold and raw. Philip suffered horribly. From midday on Saturday till he dragged himself wearily to Athelny s house he ate nothing. He spent his last man united match worn shirts twopence on Sunday morning on a wash and a brush up in the lavatory at Charing Cross. ggne chapter 99 Philip began to pawn his clothes. He reduced his expenses by eating borussia dortmund third kit 19/20 only one meal a day beside his breakfast and he ate it bread and butter and cocoa at four so that it should last him till next morning. He was so hungry by nine o clock that he had to go to bed. He thought of borrowing money from Lawson but the fear of a refusal held him back at last he asked him for five pounds. Lawson lent it with pleasure but as he did so said You ll let me have it back in a week or so won t you I ve got to pay my framer and I m awfully broke just now. Philip knew he would not be able to return it and the thought of.m but he had a feeling that he would learn something new about life and gain some clue to the mystery that he had solved only to find more mysterious. And even if he found nothing he would allay the unrest man united match worn shirts which gnawed at his heart. But Doctor South man united match worn shirts was showing him a great kindness, and it seemed ungrateful to refuse his offer for no adequate reason so in his shy way, trying to appear as matter of fact as possible, he made some attempt to explain why it was so important to him to carry out the plans he had cherished so passionately. Doctor South listened quietly, and a gentle look came into his shrewd old eyes. It seemed to Philip an added kindness that he did not press him to accept his offer. Benevolence is often very peremptory. He appeared to look upon Philip s reasons as sound. Dropping the subject, he began to talk of his own youth he had been in the Royal Navy, and it was his long connection with the sea that, when he retired, had made him settle at Farnley. He told Philip of old days in the Pacific and of wild adventures in China. He had taken part in an expedition against the head hunters of Borneo and had man united match worn shirts known Samoa when it was still an independent state. He had touched at coral islands. Philip listened to him entranced. Little by little he told Philip about himself. Doctor South was a widower, his wife had died thirty years before, and his daughter had married a farmer in Rhodesia he had quarrelled with him, and she had not come to England for ten years. It was just as if he had never had wife or child. He was very lonely. His gruffness was little more than a protection which he wore to hide a co. mplete disillusionment and to Philip it seemed tragic to see him just waiting for death, not impatiently, but rather with loathing for it, hating old age and unable to resign himself to its limitations, and yet with the feeling that death was the only solution of the man united match worn shirts bitterness of his life. Philip crossed his path, and the natural affection which long separation from his daughter had killed she had taken her husband s part in the quarrel and her children he had never seen settled itself upon Philip. At first it made him angry, he told himself it was a sign of dotage but there was something in Philip that attracted him, and he found himself smiling at him he knew not why. Philip did not bore him. Once or twice he put his hand on his shoulder it was as near a caress as he had got since his daughter left England so many years before. When th.
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You ve got five years of it, haven t you he said, waving his arm round the tiny room. I suppose so, said Philip. I daresay I shall see something of you. Carter does our accounts, you know. Philip was somewhat overpowered by the young gentleman s condescension. At Blackstable they had always looked upon brewing with civil contempt, the Vicar made little jokes about the beerage, and it was a surprising experience for Philip to discover that Watson was such an important and magnificent fellow. He had been to Winchester and to Oxford, and his conversation impressed the fact upon one with frequency. When he discovered the details of Philip s education his manner became more patronising still. Of course, if one doesn t go to a public school those sort of schools are the next best thing, aren t they Philip asked about the other men in the office. Oh, I don t bother about them much, you know, said Watson. Carter s not a bad sort. We have him to dine now and then. 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