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But he was ashamed he would look such a fool in his own eyes if he gave in now his uncle would chuckle at the success of the headmaster s ruse. It was rather a come down from the dramatic surrender of all these prizes which were in his reach, because yellow and blue football kits he disdained to take them, to the plain, ordinary winning of them. It only required a little more persuasion, just enough to save his self respect, and Philip would have done anything that Mr. Perkins wished but his face showed nothing of his conflicting emotions. It was placid and sullen. I think I d rather go, sir, he said. Mr. Perkins, like many men who manage things by their personal influence, grew a little impatient when his power was not immediately manifest. He had a great deal of work to do, and could not waste more time on a boy who seemed to him insanely obstinate. Very well, I promised to let you if you really wanted it, and I keep my promise. 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Philip thought of the countless millions to whom life is no more than unending labour, neither beautiful nor ugly, but just to be accepted in the same spirit as one accepts the changes of the seasons. Fury seized him because it all seemed useless. He could not reconcile himself to the belief that life had no meaning and yet everything he saw, all his thoughts, added to the force of his conviction. But though fury seized him it was a football shirts squiggle joyful fury. life was not so horrible if it was meaningless, and he faced it with a strange sense of power. chapter 109 The autumn passed into winter. Philip had left his address with Mrs. Foster, his uncle s housekeeper, so that she might communicate with him, but still went once a week to the hospital on the chance of there being a letter. One evening he saw his name on an envelope in a handwriting he had hoped never to see again. It gave him a queer feeling. For a little while he could not bring himself to take it. 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