Chelsea Shirts hat his experience was insufficient Philip understood that this was only an excuse the man would not have an assistant who might not be as chelsea shirts active as he wanted. Philip turned his attention to other means of earning money. He knew French and German and thought there might be some chance of finding a job as correspondence clerk it made his heart sink, but he set his teeth there was nothing else to do. Though too shy to answer the advertisements which demanded a personal application, he replied to those which asked for letters but he had no experience to state and no recommendations he was conscious that neither his German nor his French was commercial he was ignorant of the terms used in business he knew neither shorthand nor typewriting. He could not help recognising that his case was hopeless. He thought of writing to the solicitor who had been his father s executor, but he could not bring himself to, for it was contrary to his express advice that he had sold the mortgages chelsea shirts in which his money had been invested. He knew from his uncle that Mr. Nixon thoroughly disapproved of him. He had gathered from Philip s year in the accountant s office that he was idle and incompetent. His influence with Dunsford was strong enough to get him to take their tea elsewhere, and Dunsford soon found another young woman to flirt with. But the snub which the waitress had inflicted on him rankled. If she had treated him with civility he would have been perfectly indifferent to her but it was obvious that she disliked him rather than otherwise, and his pride was wounded. He could not suppress a desire to be even with her. He was impatient with himself because he had so petty a feeling, but three or four days firmness, during which he would not go to the shop, did not help him to surmount it and he came to the conclusion that it would be least trouble to see her. Having done so he would certainly cease to think of her. Pretexting an appointment one afternoon, for he was not a little ashamed of his weakness, he left Dunsford and went straight to the shop which he had vowed never again to enter. He saw the waitress the moment he came in and sat down at one of her tables. He expected her to make some reference to the fact that he had not been there for a week, but when she came up for his order she said nothing. He had heard her say to other customers I d sooner starve, Philip muttered to himself. You re quite a stranger. Once or twice the po.think when it had first come to him. He did not know. He only remembered that each time he had gone into the shop, after the first two or three times, it had been with a little feeling in the heart that was pain and he remembered that when she spoke to him he felt curiously breathless. When she left him it was wretchedness, and when she came to him again it was despair. He stretched himself in his bed as a dog stretches himself. He wondered how he was going to endure that ceaseless aching of his soul. chapter 58 Philip woke early next morning, and his first thought was of Mildred. It struck him that he might meet her at Victoria Station and walk with her to the shop. He shaved quickly, scrambled into his clothes, and took a bus to the station. He was there by twenty to eight and watched the incoming trains. Crowds poured out of them, clerks and personalise football shirts shop people at that early hour, and thronged up the platform they hurried along, sometimes in pairs, here and there a group of girls, but more often alone. They were white, most of them, ugly in the early morning, and they had an abstracted look the younger ones walked lightly, as though the cement of the platform were pleasant to tread, but the others went as though impelled by a machine their faces were set in an anxious frown. At last Philip saw Mildred, and he went up to her eagerly. Good morning, he said. I thought I d come and see how you were after last night. She wore an old brown ulster and a sailor hat. It was very clear that she was not pleased to see him. Oh, I m all right. I haven t got much time to waste. D you mind if I walk down Victoria Street with you I m none too early. I shall have to walk fast, she answered, looking down at Philip s club foot. He turned scarlet. I beg your pardon. I won t detain you. You can please yourself. She went on, and he with a sinking bvb dortmund jacket heart made his way home to breakfast. He chelsea shirts hated her. He knew he was a fool to bother about her she was not the sort of chelsea shirts woman who would ever care two straws for him, and she must look upon his deformity with distaste. He made up his mind that he would not go in to tea that afternoon, but, hating himself, he went. She nodded to him as he came in and smiled. I expect I was rather short with you this morning, she said. You see, I didn t expect you, and it came like a surprise. Oh, it doesn t matter at all. He felt that a great weight had suddenly been lifted from him. He was infinitely grateful for one.
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Because he had not attracted Mildred sexually, nothing that he did had any effect upon her. The idea revolted him it made ac milan goalkeeper third kits human nature beastly and he ronaldo portugal shirt kids felt suddenly that the hearts of men were full of dark places. Because Mildred was indifferent to him he had thought her sexless her anaemic appearance and thin lips, the body with its narrow hips and flat chest, the languor of her manner, carried out his supposition and yet she was capable of sudden passions which made her willing to risk everything to gratify them. He had never understood her adventure with Emil Miller it had seemed so unlike her, and she had never been able to explain it but now that he had seen her with Griffiths he knew that just the same thing had happened then she had been carried off her feet by an ungovernable desire. He tried to think out what those two men had which so strangely attracted her. 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