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I told her we d been married two years I had to say that, you know, because of baby only your people wouldn t hear of it, because you was only a student she pronounced it stoodent and so we had to keep it a secret, but they d given way now and we were all going down to stay with them in the summer. You re a past mistress of the cock and bull story, said Philip. He was vaguely irritated that Mildred still had this passion for telling fibs. In the last two years she had learnt nothing. But he shrugged his shoulders. When all s said and done, he reflected, she hasn t had much chance. It was a beautiful evening, warm and cloudless, and the people of South London seemed to have poured out into the streets. There was that restlessness in the air which seizes the cockney sometimes when a turn in the weather calls him into the open. After Mildred had cleared away the supper she went and stood at the window. The street noises came up to them, noises of people calling to one another, of the passing traffic, of a barrel organ in the distance. I suppose you must work tonight, Philip she asked him, with a wistful expression. I ought, but I don t know that I must. Why, d you want me to do anything else I d like to go out for a bit. Couldn t we take a ride on the top of a tram If you like. I ll just go and put on my hat, she said joyfully. The night made it almost impossible to stay indoors. The baby was asleep and could be safely left Mildred said she had always left it alone at night when she went out it never woke. She was in high spirits when she came back with her hat on. She had taken the opportunity to put on a little rouge. Philip thought it was excitement which had brought a faint colour to her pale cheeks he was touched by her child like delight, and reproached himself for the austerity with which he had treated her. She laughed when she got out into the air. The first tram they saw was going towards Westminster Bridge and they got on it. Philip smoked his pipe, and they looked at the crowded street. The shops were open, gaily lit, and people were doing their shopping for the next day. They passed a music hall called the Canterbury and Mildred cried out Oh, Philip, do let s go there. I haven t been to a music hall for months. We tottenham hotspur player shirt can t afford stalls, you know. Oh, I don t mind, I shall be quite happy in the galler.
evoted to her and his unsatisfied love became angry and resentful. By George, if I marry her I ll make her pay for all the suffering I ve endured, he said to himself. At last he could bear the agony no longer. After dinner one evening in the little restaurant in Soho, to which now they often went, he spoke to her. I say, did you mean it the other day that you wouldn t marry me if I asked you Yes, why not Because I can t live without you. I want you with me always. I ve tried to get over it and I can t. I never shall now. I want you to marry me. She had read too many novelettes not to know how to take such an offer. I m sure I m very grateful to you, Philip. I m very much flattered at your proposal. Oh, don t talk rot. You will marry me, won t you D you think we should be happy No. But what does that matter The words were wrung out of him almost against his will. They surprised her. Well, you are a funny chap. Why d you want to marry me then The other day you said you couldn t afford it. I think I ve got about fourteen hundred pounds left. Two can live just as cheaply as cheap manchester city football shirts one. That ll keep us till I m qualified and have got through with my hospital appointments, and then I can get an assistantship. It means you wouldn t be able to earn anything for six years. We should have about four pounds a week to live on till then, shouldn t cheap manchester city football shirts we Not much more than three. There are all my fees to pay. And what would you get as an assistant Three pounds a week. D you mean to say you have to work all that time and spend a small fortune cheap manchester city football shirts just to earn three pounds a week at the end of it I don t see that I should be any better off than I am now. He was silent for a moment. D you mean to say you won t marry me manchester united jersey sale he asked hoarsely. Does my great love mean nothing to you at all One has to think of oneself in those things, don t one I shouldn t mind marrying, but I don t want to marry if I m going to be no better off than what I am now. I don t see the use of it. If you cared for me you wouldn t think of all that. P raps not. He was silent. He drank a glass of wine in order to get rid of the choking in his throat. Look at that girl who s just going out, said Mildred. She got them furs at the Bon Marche at Brixton. I saw them in the window last time I went down there. Philip smiled grimly. What are you laughing at she asked. It s true. And I said to my aunt at the time, I wouldn t buy anything that had been in the window like that, for every.and his club doctor did not seem to do him any good and the verdict for him too was death, not the inevitable death that horrified and yet was tolerable because science was helpless cheap manchester city football shirts before it, but the death which was inevitable because the man was a little wheel in the great machine of a complex civilisation, and had as little power of changing the circumstances as an automaton. Complete rest was his only chance. The physician did not ask impossibilities. You ought to get some very much lighter job. There ain t no light jobs in my business. Well, tag football kits if you go on like this you ll kill yourself. You re very ill. D you mean to say I m going to die I shouldn t like to say that, but you re certainly unfit for hard work. If I don t work who s to keep the wife cheap manchester city football shirts and the kids Dr. Tyrell shrugged his shoulders. The dilemma had been presented to him a hundred times. Time was pressing and there were many patients to be seen. Well, I ll give you some medicine and you can come back in a week and tell me how you re getting on. The man took his letter with the useless prescription written upon it and walked out. The doctor might say what he liked. He did not feel so bad that he could not go on working. He had a good job and he could not afford to throw it away. I give him a year, said Dr. Tyrell. Sometimes there was comedy. Now and then came a flash of cockney humour, now and then some old lady, a character such as Charles Dickens might have drawn, would amuse them by her garrulous oddities. Once a woman came who was a member of the ballet at a famous music hall. She looked fifty, but gave her age as twenty eight. She was outrageously painted and ogled the students impudently with. large black eyes her smiles were grossly alluring. She had abundant self confidence and treated Dr. Tyrell, vastly amused, with the easy familiarity with which she might have used an intoxicated admirer. She had chronic bronchitis, and told him it hindered her in cheap manchester city football shirts the exercise of her profession. I don t know why I should ave such a thing, upon my word I don spain goalkeeper jersey 2019 t. I ve never ad a day s illness in my life. You ve only got to look at me to know that. She rolled her eyes round the young men, with a long sweep of her painted eyelashes, and flashed her yellow teeth at them. She spoke with a cockney accent, but with an affectation of refinement which made every word a feast of fun. It s what they call a winter cough, answered Dr. Tyrell gravely. A great many middle aged women have it. Well, I ne.r his eyes so that he cheap manchester city football shirts might concentrate his mind on what he wanted to say. The artist gets a peculiar sensation from something he sees, and is impelled to express it and, he doesn t know why, he can only express his feeling by lines and colours. It s cheap manchester city football shirts like a musician he ll read a line or two, and a certain combination of notes presents itself cheap manchester city football shirts to him he doesn t know why such and such words call forth in him such and such notes they just do. And I ll tell you another reason why criticism is meaningless a great painter forces the world to see nature as he sees it but in the next generation another painter sees the world in another way, and then the public judges him not by himself but by his predecessor. So the Barbizon people taught our fathers to look at trees in a certain manner, and when Monet came along and painted differently, people said But trees aren t like that. It never struck them that trees are exactly how a painter chooses to see them. We paint from within outwards if we force our vision on the world it calls us great painters if we don t it ignores us but we are the. same. We don t attach any meaning to greatness or to smallness. What happens to our work afterwards is unimportant we have got all we could out of it while we were doing it. There was a pause while Clutton with voracious appetite devoured the food that was set before him. Philip, smoking a cheap cigar, observed him closely. The ruggedness of the head, which looked as though it were carved from a stone refractory to the sculptor s chisel, the rough mane of dark hair, the great nose, and the massive bones of the jaw, suggested a man of strength and yet Philip wondered whether perhaps the mask concealed a strange weakness. Clutton s refusal to show his work might be sheer vanity he could not bear the thought of anyone s criticism, and he would not expose himself to the chance of a refusal from the Salon he wanted to be received as a master and would not risk comparisons with other work which might force him to diminish his own opinion of himself. During the eighteen months Philip had known him Clutton had grown more harsh and bitter though he would not come out into the open and cheap manchester city football shirts compete with his fellows, he was indignant with the facile success of those who did. He had no patience with Lawson, and the pair were no longer on brazil football shirts 2019 2019 the intimate terms upon which they had been when Philip first knew them. Lawson s all right, he said contemptuously, he ll go back to England, become a.
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I m sorry to be so damned emotional, but for six months I ve been starved for beauty. You used to be so matter of fact. It s very interesting to hear you say that. Damn it all, I don t want to be interesting, laughed Philip. Let s go and have a stodgy tea. chapter 65 Hayward s visit did Philip a great deal of good. Each day his thoughts dwelt less on Mildred. He looked back upon the past with disgust. He could not understand how he had submitted to the dishonour of such a love and when he thought of Mildred it was with angry hatred, because she had submitted him to so much humiliation. His imagination presented her to him now with her defects of person and manner exaggerated, so that he shuddered at the thought of having been connected with her. It just shows how damned weak I am, he said to himself. The adventure was like a blunder that one had committed at a party so horrible that one felt nothing could be done to excuse it the only remedy was to forget. His horror at the degradation he had suffered helped him. He was like a snake casting its skin and he looked upon the old covering with nausea. He exulted in the possession of himself once more he realised how much of the delight of the world he had lost when he was absorbed in that madness which they called love he had had enough of it he did not want to be in. love any more if love was that. Philip told Hayward something of what he had gone through. Wasn t it Sophocles, he asked, who prayed for the time when he would be delivered cheap manchester city football shirts from the wild beast of passion that devoured his heart strings Philip seemed really to be born again. He breathed the circumambient air as though he had never breathed it before, and he took a child s pleasure in all the facts of the world. He called his period of insanity six months hard labour. Hayward had only been settled in London a few days when Philip received from Blackstable, where it had been sent, a card for a private view at some picture gallery. He took Hayward, and, on looking at the catalogue, saw that Lawson had a picture in it. I suppose he sent the card, said Philip. Let s go and find him, he s sure fc barcelona shirts india cheap manchester city football shirts to be in front of his picture. This, a profile of Ruth Chalice, was tucked away in a corner, and Lawson was no.