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He was the most inconsiderate creature in that swarming mass of mankind which for a brief space occupied the surface of the earth and he was almighty because he had wrenched from chaos the secret of its nothingness. Thoughts came tumbling over one another in Philip s eager fancy, and he took long breaths of joyous satisfaction. He felt inclined to leap and sing. He had not been so happy for months. Oh, life, he cried in his heart, Oh life, where is thy sting For the same uprush of fancy which had shown him with all the force of mathematical demonstration that life had no meaning, brought with it another idea and that was why Cronshaw, he imagined, had given him the Persian rug. 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In the vast warp of life a river arising from no spring and flowing endlessly to no sea , with the background to his fancies that there was no meaning and that nothing w.hat Philip was helpless, and he was always forced after more cheap football shirts jd or less torture to beg his pardon. It was that which rankled with Philip he could not bear the humiliation of apologies, which were wrung from him by pain greater than he could bear. And what made it worse was that there seemed no end to his wretchedness Singer was only eleven and would not go to the upper school till he was thirteen. Philip realised that he must live two years with a tormentor from whom there was no escape. He was only happy while he was working and when he got into bed. And often there recurred to him then that queer feeling that his life with all its misery was nothing but a dream, and that he would awake in the morning in his own little bed in London. chapter 13 Two years passed, and Philip was nearly twelve. He was in the first form, within two or three places of the top, and after Christmas when several boys would be leaving for the senior school he would be head boy. He had already quite a collection of prizes, worthless books on bad paper, but in gorgeous bindings decorated with the arms of the school his position had freed him from bullying, and he was not unhappy. His fellows forgave him his success because of his deformity. After all, it s jolly easy for him to get prizes, they said, there s nothing he CAN do but swat. He had lost his early terror of Mr. Watson. He had grown used to the loud voice, and when the headmaster s heavy hand was laid on his shoulder Philip discerned vaguely the intention of a caress. He had the good memory which is more useful for scholastic achievements than mental power, and he knew Mr. Watson expected him to leave the preparatory school with a scholarship. But he had grown very self conscious. The new born child does not realise that his body is more a part of himself than surrounding objects, and will play with his toes without any feeling that they belong to him more than the rattle by his side and it is only by degrees, through pain, that he understands the fact of the body. And experiences of the same kind are necessary for the individual to become conscious of himself but here there is the difference that, although everyone becomes equally conscious of his body as a separate and complete organism, everyone does not become equally conscious of himself as a complete and separate personality. The feeling of apartness from others comes to most with puberty, but it is not always developed to such.
ight before still lay in the sink unwashed. He knocked at her door. Wake up, Mildred. It s awfully late. She did not answer, even after a second louder knocking, and he concluded that she was sulking. He was in too great a hurry to bother about that. He put some water on to boil and jumped into his bath which was always poured out the night before in order to take the chill off. He presumed that Mildred would cook his breakfast while he was dressing and leave it in the sitting room. She had done that two or three times when she was out of temper. But he heard no sound of her moving, and realised that if he wanted anything to eat he would have to get it himself. He was cheap football shirts jd irritated that she should play him such a trick on a morning when he had over slept himself. There was still no sign of her when he was ready, but he heard her moving about her room. She was evidently getting up. 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