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h. All he said seemed to excite thought, and often on the way home Lawson and Philip would walk to and from one another s hotels, discussing some point which a chance word of Cronshaw had suggested. It was disconcerting to Philip, who had a youthful eagerness for results, that Cronshaw s poetry hardly came up to expectation. It had never been published in a volume, but most of it had appeared in periodicals and after a good deal of persuasion Cronshaw brought down a bundle of pages torn out of The Yellow Book, The Saturday Review, and other journals, on each of which was a poem. Philip was taken aback to find that most of them reminded him either of Henley or of Swinburne. It needed the splendour of Cronshaw s delivery to make them personal. He expressed his disappointment to Lawson, who carelessly repeated his words and next time Philip went to the Closerie des Lilas the poet turned to him with his sleek smile I hear you don t think much of my verses. Philip was embarrassed. I don t know about that, he answered. I enjoyed reading them very much. Do not attempt to spare my feelings, returned Cronshaw, with a wave of his fat hand. I do not attach any exaggerated importance to my poetical works. Life is there to be lived rather than to be written about. My aim is to search out the manifold experience that it offers, wringing from each moment what of emotion it presents. I look upon my writing as a graceful accomplishment which does not absorb but rather adds pleasure to existence. And as for posterity damn posterity. Philip smiled, for it leaped to one s eyes that the artist in life had produced no more than a wretched daub. Cronshaw looked at him meditatively and filled borussia dortmund soccer his glass. He sent the waiter for a packet of cigarettes. You are amused because I talk in this fashion and you know that I am poor and live in an attic with a vulgar trollop who deceives me with hair dressers and garcons de cafe I translate wretched books for the British public, and write articles upon contemptible pictures which deserve not even to be abused. But pray tell me what is the meaning of life I say, that s rather a difficult question. Won t you give the answer yourself No, because it s worthless unless you yourself discover it. But what do you suppose you are in the world for Philip had never asked himself, and he thought for a moment before replying. Oh, I don t know I suppose to do one liverpool home shirts 2019/20 s duty, and make the best possible use of one s f.at effect on the department. He realised that he was an object of envy. Harris, the assistant with the queer shaped head, who was the first person he had known at the shop and had attached himself to Philip, could not conceal his bitterness. Some people ave all the luck, he said. You ll be a buyer yourself one of these days, and we shall all be calling you sir. He told Philip that he should demand higher wages, for notwithstanding the difficult work he was now engaged in, he received no more than the six shillings a week with which he started. But it was a ticklish matter borussia dortmund soccer to ask for a rise. The m. anager had a sardonic way of dealing with such applicants. Think you re worth more, do you How much d you think you re worth, eh The assistant, with his heart in his mouth, would suggest that he thought he ought to have another two shillings a week. Oh, very well, if you think you re worth it. You can ave it. Then he paused and sometimes, with a steely eye, added And you can ave your notice too. It was no use then to withdraw your request, you had to go. The manager s idea was that assistants who were dissatisfied did not work properly, and if they were not worth a rise it was better to sack them at once. The result was that they never asked for one unless they were prepared to leave. Philip hesitated. He was a little suspicious of the men in his room who told him that the buyer could not do without him. They were decent fellows, but their sense of humour was primitive, and it would have seemed funny to them if they had persuaded Philip to ask for more wages and he were sacked. He could not forget the mortification he had suffered in looking football shirt 1987 for work, he did not wish to expose himself to that again, and he knew there was small chance of his getting elsewhere a post as designer there were hundreds of people about who could draw as well as he. But he wanted money very badly his clothes were worn out, and the heavy carpets rotted his socks and boots he had almost persuaded himself to take the venturesome step when one morning, passing up from breakfast in the basement through the passage that led to the manager s office, he saw a queue of men waiting in answer to an advertisement. There were about a hundred of them, and whichever was engaged would be offered his keep and the same six shillings a week that Philip had. He saw some man city junior kit of them cast envious glances at him because he had employment. It made him borussia dortmund soccer shudder. He dared not risk it. chapter 108 The wint.fidence. Perhaps, he thought to himself, with a smile, perhaps I m cut out to be a doctor. It would be rather a lark if borussia dortmund soccer I d hit upon the one thing I m fit for. It seemed to Philip that he alone of the clerks saw the dramatic interest of those afternoons. To the others men and women were only cases, good if they were complicated, tiresome if obvious they heard murmurs and were astonished at abnormal livers an unexpected sound in the lungs gave them something to talk about. But to Philip there was much more. He found an interest in just looking at them, in the shape of their heads and their hands, in the look of their eyes and the length of their noses. You saw in that room human nature taken by surprise, and often the mask of sports direct england football shirts custom was torn off rudely, showing you the soul all raw. Sometimes you saw an untaught stoicism which was profoundly moving. Once Philip saw a man, rough and illiterate, told his case was hopeless and, self controlled himself, he wondered at the splendid instinct which forced the fellow to keep a stiff upper lip before strangers. But was it possible for him borussia dortmund soccer to be brave when he was by himself, face to face with his soul, or would he then surrender to despair Sometimes there was tragedy. Once a young woman brought her sister to be examined, a girl of eighteen, with delicate features and large blue eyes, fair hair that sparkled with gold when a ray of autumn sunshine touched it for a moment, and a skin of amazing beauty. The students eyes went to her with little smiles. They did not often see a pretty girl in these dingy rooms. The elder woman gave the family history, father and mother had died of phthisis, a brother and a sister, these two were the only ones left. The girl had been coughing lately and losing weight. She took off her blouse and the skin of her neck was like milk. Dr. Tyrell examined her quietly, with his usual rapid method he told two or three of his clerks to apply their stethoscopes to a place he indicated with his finger and then she was allowed to borussia dortmund soccer dress. The sister was standing a little apart and she spoke to him in a low voice, so that the girl should not hear. Her voice trembled with fear. She hasn t got it, doctor, has she I m afraid there s no doubt about it. She was the last one. When she goes I shan t have anybody. She began to cry, while the doctor looked at her gravely he thought she too had the type she would not make old bones either. The girl turned round and saw.
Borussia Dortmund Soccer , worth it a hundred times I say when I look round at my children. You do talk, Athelny, she said, looking at him, not with anger but with scornful calm. You ve had the pleasant part of the children, I ve had the bearing of them, and the bearing with them. I don t say that I m not fond of them, now they re there, but if I had my time over again I d remain single. bayern munich fc shirt Why, if I d remained single I might have borussia dortmund soccer a little shop by now, and four or five hundred pounds in the bank, and a girl to do the rough work. Oh, I wouldn t go over my life again, not for something. Philip thought of the countless millions to whom life is no more than unending labour, neither beautiful nor ugly, but just to be accepted in the same spirit as one accepts the changes of the seasons. Fury seized him because it all seemed useless. He could not reconcile himself to the belief that life had no meaning and yet everything he saw, all his thoughts, added to the force of his conviction. But though fury seized him it was a joyful fury. life was not so horrible if it was meaningless, and he faced it with a strange sense of power. chapter 109 The autumn passed into winter. Philip had left his address with Mrs. Foster, his uncle s housekeeper, so that she might communicate with him, but still went once a week to the hospital on the chance of there being a letter. One evening he saw his name on an envelope in a handwriting he had hoped never to see again. It gave him a queer feeling. For a little while he could not bring himself to take it. It brought back a host of hateful memories. But at length, impatient with himself, he ripped open the envelope. 7 William Street, Fitzroy Square. Dear Phil, Can I see you for a minute or two as soon as possible. I am in awful trouble and don t know what to do. It s not money. Yours truly, Mildred. He tore the letter into little bits and going out into the street scattered them in the darkness. I ll see her damned, he muttered. A feeling of disgust surged up in him at the thought of seeing her again. He did not care if she was in distress, it served her right whatever it was, he thought of her with hatred, and the love he had had for her aroused his loathing. His recollections filled him with nausea, and as he walked across the Thames he drew himself aside in an instinctive withdrawal from his thought of her. He went to bed, but he could not sleep he wondered what was the matter with her, and he could not get out of his.ef that he received her answer in which she said borussia dortmund soccer that she found it would be impossible for her to get away. Presently when her letters came his heart sank he delayed opening them, for he knew what they would contain, angry reproaches and pathetic appeals they would make him feel a perfect beast, and yet he did not see with what he had to blame himself. He put off his answer from day to day, and then another letter would come, saying borussia dortmund soccer she was ill and lonely and miserable. I wish to God I d never had anything to do with her, he said. He admired Watson because he arranged these things so easily. The young man had been engaged in an intrigue with a girl who played in touring companies, and his account of the affair filled Philip with envious a. mazement. But after a time Watson s young affections changed, and one day he described the rupture to Philip. I thought it was no good making any bones about it so I just told barcelona team shirt her I d had enough of her, he said. Didn t she make an awful scene asked Philip. The usual thing, you know, but I told her it was no good trying on that sort of thing with me. Did she cry She began to, but I can t stand women when they cry, so I said she d better hook it. Philip s sense of humour was growing keener with advancing years. And did she hook it he asked smiling. Well, there wasn t anything else for her to do, was there Meanwhile the Christmas holidays approached. Mrs. Carey had borussia dortmund soccer been ill all through November, and the doctor suggested that she and the Vicar should go to Cornwall for a real madrid kit goalkeeper 512x512 couple of weeks round Christmas so that she should get back her strength. The result was that Philip had nowhere to go, and he spent Christmas Day in his lodgings. Under Hayward s influence he had persuaded himself that the festivities that attend this season were vulgar and barbaric, and he made up his mind that he would take no notice of the day but when it came, the jollity of all around affected him strangely. His landlady and her husband borussia dortmund soccer were spending the day with a married daughter, and to save trouble Philip announced that he would take his meals out. He went up to London towards mid day and ate a slice of turkey and some Christmas pudding by himself at Gatti s, and since he had nothing to do afterwards went to Westminster Abbey for the afternoon service. The streets were almost empty, and the people who went along had a preoccupied look they did not saunter but walked with some definite goal in view, and hardly anyone was alone. To Phili.