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You ve never asked me to marry you. You know I can t afford it. After all, I m in my first year, I shan t earn a penny for six years. Oh, I m not blaming you. I wouldn t marry you if you went down on your bended knees to me. He had thought of marriage more than once, but it was a step from which he chelsea goalkeeper kit shrank. In Paris he had come by the opinion that marriage was a ridiculous institution of the philistines. He knew also that a permanent tie would ruin him. He had middle class instincts, and it seemed a dreadful thing to him to marry a waitress. borussia dortmund kits fts A common wife would prevent him from getting a decent practice. Besides, he had only just enough money to last him till he was qualified he could not keep a wife even if they arranged not to have children. He thought of Cronshaw bound to a vulgar slattern, and he shuddered with dismay. He borussia dortmund kits fts foresaw what Mildred, with her genteel ideas and her mean mind, would become it was impossible for him to marry her. But he decided only with his reason he felt that he must have her whatever happened and if he could not get her without marrying her he would do that the future could look after itself. It might end borussia dortmund kits fts in disaster he did not care. When he got hold of an idea it obsessed him, he could think of nothing else, and he had a more than common power to persuade himself of the reasonableness of what he wished to do. He found himself overthrowing all the sensible arguments which had occurred to him against marriage. Each day he found that he was more passionately d.presented himself at the school. Mrs. Otter was already there, and she came forward with a borussia dortmund kits fts friendly smile. He had been anxious about the reception he would have as a nouveau, for he had read a good deal of the rough joking to which a newcomer was exposed at some of the studios but Mrs. Otter had reassured him. Oh, there s nothing like that here, she said. You see, about. half our students are ladies, and they set a tone to the place. The studio was large and bare, with gray walls, on which were pinned the borussia dortmund kits fts studies that had received prizes. A model was sitting in a chair with a loose wrap thrown over her, and about a dozen men and women were standing about, some talking and others still working on their sketch. It was the first rest of the model. You d better not try anything too difficult at first, said Mrs. Otter. Put your easel here. You ll find that s the easiest pose. Philip placed an easel where she indicated, and Mrs. Otter introduced him to a young woman who sat next to him. Mr. Carey Miss Price. Mr. Carey s never studied before, you won t mind helping him a little just at first will you Then she turned to the model. La Pose. The model threw aside the paper she had been reading, La Petite Republique, and sulkily, throwing off borussia dortmund kits fts her gown, got on to the stand. She stood, squarely on both feet with her hands clasped behind her head. It s a stupid pose, said Miss Price. I can t imagine why they chose it. When Philip entered, the people in the studio had looked at him curiously, and the model gave him an indifferent glance, but now they ceased to pay attention to him. Philip, with his beautiful sheet of paper in front of him, stared awkwardly at the model. He did not know how to begin. He had never seen a naked woman before. She was not young and her breasts were shrivelled. She had colourless, fair hair that fell over her forehead untidily, and her face was covered with large freckles. He glanced at Miss Price s work. She had only been working on it two days, and it looked as though she had had trouble her paper was in a mess from constant rubbing out, and to Philip s eyes the figure looked strangely distorted. I should have thought I could do as well as that, he said to himself. He began on the head, thinking that he would work slowly downwards, but, he could not understand why, he found it infinitely more difficult to draw a head from the model than to draw one from his imagination. He got into difficulties. He glanced at Miss Price. She wa.there, his heart beating with sheer joy, thought how the tempter had stood with Jesus on a high mountain and shown him the kingdoms of the earth. To Philip, intoxicated with the beauty of the scene, it seemed that it borussia dortmund kits fts was the whole world which was spread before him, and he was eager to step down and enjoy it. He was free from degrading fears and free from prejudice. He could go his way without the intolerable dread of hell fire. Suddenly he realised that he had lost also that burden of responsibility which made every action of his life a matter of urgent consequence. He could breathe more freely in a lighter air. He was responsible only to himself for the things he did. Freedom He was his own master at last. From old habit, unconsciously he thanked God that he no longer believed in Him. Drunk with pride in his intelligence and in his fearlessness, Philip entered deliberately upon a new life. But his loss of faith made less difference in his behaviour than he expected. Though he had thrown on one side the Christian dogmas it never occurred to him to criticise the Christian ethics he accepted the Christian virtues, and indeed thought it fine to practise them for their own sake, without a thought of reward or punishment. There was small occasion for heroism in the Frau Professor s house, but he was a little more exactly truthful than he bayern munich new kit 2017 had been, and he forced himself to be more than commonly attentive to the dull, elderly ladies who sometimes engaged him in conversation. The gentle oath, the violent adjective, which are typical of our language and which he had cultivated before as a sign of manliness, he now elaborately eschewed. Having settled the whole matter to his satisfaction he sought to put it out borussia dortmund kits fts of his mind, but that was more easily said than done and he could not prevent the regrets nor stifle the misgivings which sometimes tormented him. He was so young and had so few friends that immortality had no particular attractions for him, and he was able without trouble to give up belief in it but there was one thing which made him wretched he told himself that he was unreasonable, he tried to laugh himself out of such pathos but the tears really came to his eyes when he thought that he would never see again the beautiful mother whose love for him had grown more precious as the years since her death passed on. And sometimes, as though the influence of innumerable ancestors, borussia dortmund kits fts Godfearing and devout, were working in h.
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