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The unhappiness of Philip s life at school had called up in him the power of self analysis and this vice, as subtle as drug taking, had taken possession of him so that he had now a peculiar keenness in the dissection of his feelings. He could not help seeing that art affected him differently from. others. A fine picture gave Lawson an immediate thrill. His appreciation was instinctive. Even Flanagan felt certain things which Philip was obliged to think out. His own appreciation was intellectual. He could not help thinking that if he had in him the artistic temperament he hated the phrase, but could discover no other he would feel beauty in the emotional, unreasoning way in belgium jersey which they did. He began to wonder whether he had anything more than a superficial cleverness of the hand which enabled him to copy objects with accuracy. That was nothing. He had learned to despise technical dexterity. The important thing was to feel in terms of paint. Lawson painted in a certain way because it was his nature to, and through the imitativeness of a student sensitive to every influence, there pierced individuality. Philip looked at his own portrait of Ruth Chalice, and now that three months had passed he realised that it was no more than a servile copy of Lawson. He felt himself barren. He painted with the brain, and he could not help knowing that the only painting worth anything was done with the heart. He had very little money, barely sixteen hundred pounds, and it would be necessary for him to practise the severest economy. He could not count on earning anything for ten years. The history o.oman to a man, and made one of them a slave it was convenient to call it the sexual instinct but if it was no retro football shirts more than that, he did not understand why it should occasion so tottenham warm up jacket vehement an attraction to one person rather than another. It was irresistible the mind could not battle with it friendship, gratitude, interest, had no power beside it. Because he had not attracted Mildred sexually, nothing that he did had any effect upon her. The idea revolted him it made human nature beastly and he felt suddenly that the hearts of men were full of dark places. Because Mildred was indifferent to him he had thought her sexless her anaemic appearance and thin lips, the body with its narrow hips and flat chest, the languor of her manner, carried out his supposition and yet she was capable of sudden passions which made her willing to risk everything to gratify them. He had never understood her adventure with Emil Miller it had seemed so unlike her, and she had never been able to explain belgium jersey it but now that he had seen her with Griffiths he knew that just the same thing had happened then she had been carried off her feet by an ungovernable desire. He tried to think out what those two men had which so strangely attracted her. They both had a vulgar facetiousness which tickled her simple sense of humour, and a certain coarseness of nature but what took her belgium jersey perhaps was the blatant sexuality which was their most marked characteristic. She had a genteel refinement which shuddered at england new football top the facts of life, she looked upon the bodily functions as indecent, she had all sorts of euphemisms for common objects, she belgium jersey always chose an elaborate word as more becoming than a simple one the brutality of these men was like a retro italy shirt whip on her thin white shoulders, and she shuddered with voluptuous pain. One thing Philip had made up his mind about. He would not go back to the lodgings in which he had suffered. He wrote to his landlady and gave her notice. He wanted to have his own things about him. He determined to take unfurnished rooms it would be pleasant and cheaper and this was an urgent consideration, for during the last year and a half he had spent nearly seven hundred pounds. He must make up for it now by the most rigid economy. Now and then he thought of the future with panic he had been a fool to spend so much money on Mildred but he knew that if it were to come again he would act in the same way. It amused him sometimes to consider that his friends, bec.tric clerk he arranged to undertake that duty during the last week of August and the first two of September. After this interview Philip walked through the Medical School, more or less deserted, for the examinations at the end of the summer session were all over and he wandered along the terrace by the river side. His heart was full. He thought that now he could begin a new life, and he would put behind him all the errors, follies, and miseries of the past. The flowing river suggested that everything passed, was passing always, and nothing mattered the future was before him rich with possibilities. He went back to Blackstable and busied himself with the settling up of his uncle s estate. The auction was fixed for the middle of August, when the presence of visitors for the summer holidays would make it possible to get better prices. Catalogues were made out and sent to the various dealers in second hand books at Tercanbury, Maidstone, and Ashford. One afternoon Philip took it into his head to go over to Tercanbury and see his old school. He had not been there since the day when, with relief in his heart, he had left it with the feeling that thenceforward he was his own master. It was strange to wander through the narrow streets of Tercanbury which he had known so well for so many years. He looked at the old shops, new football kits 2019/20 liverpool still there, still selling the same things the booksellers with school books, pious works, and the latest novels in one window and photographs of the Cathedral and of the city in the other the games shop, with its cricket bats, fishing tackle, tennis rackets, and footballs the tailor from whom he had got clothes all through his boyhood and the fishmonger where his uncle whenever he came to Tercanbury bought fish. He wandered along the sordid street in which, behind a high wall, lay the red brick house which was the preparatory school. Further on belgium jersey was the gateway that led into King s School, and he stood in the quadrangle round which were the various buildings. It was just four and the boys were hurrying out of school. He saw the masters in their gowns and mortar boards, and they were strange to him. It was more than ten years since he had left and many changes had taken place. He saw the headmaster he walked slowly down from the schoolhouse to his own, talking to a big boy who Philip supposed was in the. sixth he was little changed, tall, cadaverous, romantic as Philip remembered him, belgium jersey with the same wild eyes but the black beard was str.
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She walked slowly along and turned down Air Street and so got through into Regent Street. She walked up again towards the Circus. Philip was puzzled. He could not make out what she was doing. Perhaps she was waiting for somebody, and he felt a great curiosity to know who it was. She overtook a short man in a bowler hat, who was strolling very slowly in the same direction as herself she gave him a sidelong glance as she passed. She walked a few steps more till she came to Swan and Edgar s, then stopped and waited, facing the road. When the man came up she smiled. The man stared at her for a moment, turned away his head, and sauntered on. Then Philip understood. He was overwhelmed with horror. For a moment he felt such a weakness in his legs that he could hardly stand then he walked after her quickly he touched her on the arm. Mildred. She turned round with a violent start. He thought that she reddened, but in the obscurity he could not see very well. 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