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Philip could think of nothing to say Foinet was mute, and the silence got on his nerves. The professor sat down and Philip without a word placed before him the picture which the Salon had rejected Foinet nodded but did not speak then Philip showed him the two portraits he had made of Ruth Chalice, two or three landscapes which he had painted at Moret, and a number of sketches. That s all, he said presently, with a nervous laugh. Monsieur Foinet rolled himself a cigarette and lit it. You have very little private means he asked at last. Very little, answered Philip, with a sudden feeling of cold at his heart. Not enough to live on. There is nothing so degrading as the constant anxiety about one s me. ans of livelihood. I have nothing but contempt for the people who despise money. They are hypocrites or fools. Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. Without an adequate income half the possibilities of life are shut off. The only thing to be careful bayern munich t shirt price about is that you do not pay more than a shilling for the shilling you earn. You will hear people say that poverty is the best spur to the artist. They have never felt the iron of it in their flesh. They do not know how mean it makes you. It exposes you to endless humiliation, it cuts your wings, it eats into your soul like a cancer. It is not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one s bayern munich t shirt price dignity, to work unhampered, to be generous, frank, and independent. I pity with all my heart the artist, whether he writes or paints, who is entirely dependent for subsistence upon his art. Philip quietly put away the various things which he had shown. I m afraid that sounds as if you didn t think I had much chance. Monsieur Foinet slightly shrugged his shoulders. You have a certain manual dexterity. With hard work and perseverance there is no reason why you should not become a careful, not incompetent painter. You would find hundreds who painted worse than you, hundreds who painted as well. I see no talent in anything you have shown me. I see industry and intelligence. You will never be anything but mediocre. Philip obliged himself to answer quite steadily. I m very grateful to you for having taken so much trouble. He prided himself on his self control. It had been whipped into him by the mockery of his fellows. Then they called him cynical and callous. He had acquired calmness of demeanour and under most circumstances an unruffled exterior, so that now he could not show his feelings. People told him he was unemotional but he knew that he was at the mercy of his arsenal ladies shop emotions an accidental kindness touched him so much that sometimes he did not venture to speak in order not to betray the unsteadiness of his voice. He remembered the bitterness of his life at school, the humiliation which he had endured, the banter which had made him morbidly afraid of making himself ridiculous and he remembered the loneliness he had felt since, fac. ed with the world, the disillusion and the disappointment caused by the difference between what it promised to his active imagination and what it gave. But notwithstanding he was able to look at himself from lcfc football shirt the outside and smile with amusement. By Jove, if I weren t flippant, I should hang myself, he thought cheerfully. His mind went back to the answer he had given his uncle when he asked him what he had learnt in Paris. He had learnt a good deal more than he told him. A conversation with Cronshaw had stuck in his memory, and one phrase he had used, a commonplace one enough, had set his brain working. My dear fellow, Cronshaw said, there s no such thing as abstract morality. When Philip ceased to believe in Christianity he felt that a great weight was taken from his shoulders casting off the responsibility which weighed down every action, when every action was infinitely important for the welfare of his immortal soul, he experienced a vivid sense of liberty. But he knew now that this was an illusion. When he put away the religion in which he had bayern munich t shirt price been brought up, he had kept unimpaired the morality which was part and parcel of it. He made up his mind therefore to think things out for himself. He determined to be swayed by no prejudices. He swept away the virtues and the vices, the established laws of good and evil, with the idea of finding out the rules of life for himself. He did not know whether rules were necessary real madrid kits 512 by 512 url at all. That was one of the things he wanted to discover. Clearly much that seemed valid seemed so only because he had been taught it from his earliest youth. He had read a number of books, but they did not help him much, for they were based on the morality of Christianity and even the writers who emphasised the fact.
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His imagination presented her to him now with her defects of person and manner exaggerated, so that he shuddered at the thought of having been connected with her. It just shows how damned weak I am, he said to himself. The adventure was like bayern munich t shirt price a blunder that one had committed at a party so horrible that one felt nothing could be done to excuse it the only remedy was to forget. His horror at the degradation he had suffered helped him. He was like a snake casting its skin and he looked upon the old covering with nausea. He exulted in the possession of himself once more he realised how much of the delight of the world he had lost when he was absorbed in that madness which they called love he had had enough of it he did not want to be in. love any more if love was that. Philip told Hayward something of what he had gone through. 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