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He was developing a sense of humour, and found that he had a knack of saying bitter things, which caught people on the raw he said them because they amused him, hardly realising how much they hurt, and was much offended when he found that his victims regarded him with active dislike. The humiliations he suffered when first he went to school had caused in him a shrinking from his fellows which he could never entirely overcome he remained shy and silent. But though he did everything to alienate the sympathy of other boys he longed with all his heart for the popularity which to some was so easily accorded. These from his distance he admired extravagantly and though he was inclined to be more sarcastic with them than with others, though he made little jokes at their expense, he would have given football shirts carnaby street anything to change places with them. Indeed he would gladly have changed places with the dullest boy in the school who was whole of limb. He took to a singular habit. He would imagine that he was some boy whom he had a particular fancy for he would throw his soul, as it were, into the other s body, talk with his voice and laugh with his heart he would imagine himself doing all the things the other did. It was so vivid that he seemed for a moment really to be no longer himself. In this way he enjoyed many intervals of fantastic happiness. At the beginning of the Christmas term which followed on his confirmation Philip found himself moved into another study. One of the boys who shared it was called Rose. He was in the same form as Philip, and Philip had always looked upon him with envious admiration. He was not good liverpool clothes website looking though his large hands and big bones suggested that he would be a tall man, he was clumsily made but his eyes were charming, and when he laughed he was constantly laughing his face wrinkled all round them in a jolly way. He was neither clever nor stupid, but good enough at his work and better at games. He was a favourite with masters and boys, and he in his turn liked everyone. When Philip was put in the study he could not help seeing that the others, who had been together for three terms, welcomed him coldly. It made him nervous to feel himself an intruder but he had learned to hide his feelings, and they found him quiet and unobtrusive. With R.
on the ground, shining through the trees, look at that sky why, I should never have seen that sky if I hadn t been to Paris. Hayward thought that Philip choked a sob, and he looked at him with astonishment. What s the matter with you Nothing. I m sorry to be so damned emotional, but for six months I ve been starved for beauty. You used to be so matter of fact. It s very interesting to hear you say that. Damn it all, I don t want to be interesting, laughed Philip. Let s go and have a stodgy tea. chapter 65 Hayward s visit did Philip a great deal of good. Each day his thoughts dwelt less on Mildred. He looked back upon the past with disgust. He could not understand how he had submitted to the dishonour of such a love and when he thought of Mildred it was with baby everton football kit angry hatred, because she had submitted him to so much humiliation. His imagination presented her to him now with her defects of person and manner exaggerated, so that he shuddered at the thought of having been connected with her. It just shows how damned weak I am, he said to himself. The adventure was like a blunder that one had committed at a party so horrible that one felt nothing could be done to excuse it the only remedy was to forget. His horror at the degradation he had suffered helped him. He was like a snake casting its skin and he looked upon the old covering with nausea. He exulted in the possession of himself once more he realised how much of the delight of the world he had lost when he was absorbed in that madness which they called love he had had enough of it he did not want to be in. love any more if love was that. Philip told Hayward something of what he had gone through. Wasn t it Sophocles, he asked, who prayed for the time when he would be delivered from the wild beast of passion that devoured his heart strings Philip seemed really to be born again. He breathed the circumambient air as though he had never breathed it before, and he took a child s pleasure in all the facts of the world. He called his period of insanity six months hard labour. Hayward had only been settled in London a few days when Philip received from Blackstable, where it had been sent, a card for a private view at some picture gallery. He took Hayward, and, on looking at the catalogue, saw that Lawson had a picture in it. I suppose he sent the card, said Philip. Let s go and find him, he s sure to be in front of his picture. This, a profile of Ruth Chalice, was tucked away in a corner, and Lawson was no.little frightened, and his heart beat uncomfortably but at the same time something impelled him to turn the handle. He turned it very gently, as if to prevent anyone within from hearing, and then slowly pushed the door open. He stood on the threshold for a moment before he had the courage to enter. He was not frightened now, but it seemed strange. He closed the door behind him. The blinds were drawn, and the room, in the cold light of a January afternoon, was dark. On the dressing table were Mrs. Carey s brushes and the hand mirror. In a little tray were hairpins. There was a photograph of himself on the chimney piece and one of his father. He had often been in the room when his mother was not in it, atletico madrid shirt but now it seemed different. There was something curious in the look of the chairs. The bed was made as though someone were going to sleep in it that night, and in a case on the pillow was a night dress. Philip opened a large cupboard filled with dresses and, stepping in, took as many of them as he could in his arms and buried his face in them. They smelt of the scent his mother used. Then he pulled open the drawers, filled with his mother s things, and looked at them there were lavender bags among the linen, and their scent was fresh and pleasant. The strangeness of the room left it, and it seemed to him that his mother had just gone out for a walk. She would be in presently and would come upstairs to have nursery tea with him. And he seemed to feel her kiss on his lips. It was not true that he would never see her again. It was not true simply because it was atletico madrid shirt impossible. He climbed up on the bed and put his head on the pillow. He lay there quite still. chapter 4 Philip parted from Emma with tears, but the journey to Blackstable amused him, and, when they arrived, he was resigned and cheerful. Blackstable was sixty miles from London. Giving their luggage to a porter, Mr. Carey set out to walk with Philip to the vicarage it took them little more than five minutes, and, when they reached it, Philip suddenly remembered the gate. It was red and five barred it swung both ways on easy hinges and it was possible, though forbidden, to atletico madrid shirt swing backwards and forwards on it. They walked through the garden to the front door. This was only used by visitors and on Sundays, and on special occasions, as when the Vicar went up to London or came back. The traffic of the house took place through a side door, and there was a back door as we.Omar Khayyam was known only to the elect, and Hayward repeated it to Philip. He was very fond of reciting poetry, his own and that of others, which he did in a monotonous sing song. By atletico madrid shirt the time they reached home Philip s distrust of Hayward was changed to enthusiastic admiration. They made a practice of walking together every atletico madrid shirt afternoon, and Philip learned presently something of Hayward s circumstances. He was the son of a country judge, on whose death some time before he had inherited three hundred a year. His record at Charterhouse was so brilliant that when he went to Cambridge the Master of Trinity Hall went out of his way to express his satisfaction that he was going atletico madrid shirt to that college. He prepared himself for a distinguished career. He moved in the most intellectual circles he read Browning with enthusiasm and turned up his well shaped nose at Tennyson he knew all the details of Shelley s treatment of Harriet he dabbled in the history of art on the walls of his rooms were reproductions of pictures by G. F. Watts, Burne Jones, and Botticelli and he wrote not without distinction verses of a pessimistic character. His friends told one another that he was a man of excellent gifts, and he listened to them willingly when they prophesied his future eminence. In course of time he became an authority on art and literature. He atletico madrid shirt came under the influence of Newman s Apologia the picturesqueness of the Roman Catholic faith appealed to his esthetic sensibility and it was only the fear of his father s wrath a plain, blunt man of narrow ideas, who read Macaulay which prevented him from going over. When he only brazil olympic football shirt got a pass degree his friends were astonished but he shrugged his shoulders and delicately insinuated that he was not the dupe of examiners. He made one feel that a first class was ever so slightly vulgar. He described one of the vivas with tolerant humour some fellow in an outrageous juventus shirt cake collar was manchester united t shirts 2019 asking him questions in logic it was infinitely tedious, and suddenly he noticed that he wore elastic sided boots it was grotesque and ridiculous so he withdrew his mind and thought of the gothic beauty of the Chapel at King s. But he had spent some delightful days at Cambridge he had given better dinners than anyone he knew and the conversation in his rooms had been often memorable. He quot. ed to Philip the exquisite epigram They told me, Herakleitus, they told me you were dead. And now, when he related again the picturesque little anecdote about the examiner.
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