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He felt that there he could think out better what he must do. He lay on the grass in the shade and lit his pipe. For economy s sake he had for a long time confined himself to two pipes a day he was thankful now that his pouch was full. He did not know what people did when they had no money. Presently he fell asleep. When he awoke it was nearly mid day and he thought that soon he must be setting out for London so as to be there in the early morning and answer any advertisements which seemed to promise. He thought of his uncle who had told him that he would leave him at his death the little he had Philip did not in the least know how much this wa. s it could not be more than a few hundred pounds. He wondered whether he could raise money on the reversion. Not without the old man s consent and that he would never give. The only thing I can do is to hang on somehow till he dies. Philip reckoned his age. The Vicar of Blackstable was well over seventy. He had chronic bronchitis but many old men had that and lived on indefinitely. Meanwhile something must turn up Philip could not get away from the feeling that his position was altogether abnormal people in his particular station did not starve. It was because he could not bring himself to believe in the reality of his experience that he did not give way to utter despair. He made up his mind to borrow half a sovereign from Lawson. He stayed in the garden all day and smoked when he felt very hungry he did not mean to eat anything until he was setting out again for London it was a long way and he must keep.men, while you have grave doubts whether I am either asked Weeks. Yes, answered Philip uncertainly, for put in that way his question seemed impertinent. St. Augustine believed that the earth was flat and that the sun turned round it. I don t know what that proves. Why, it proves that you believe with your generation. Your saints lived in an age of faith, when it was practically impossible to disbelieve what to us is positively incredible. Then how d you know that we have the truth now I don t. Philip thought this over for a moment, then he said I don t see why the things we believe absolutely now shouldn t be just as wrong as what they believed in the past. Neither do I. Then how can you believe anything at all I don t know. Philip asked Weeks what he thought of Hayward s religion. Men have always formed gods in their own image, said Weeks. He believes in the picturesque. Philip paused for a little while, then he said I don t see why one should believe in God at all. The words were no sooner out of his mouth than he realised that he had ceased to do so. It took his breath away like a plunge into cold water. He looked at Weeks with startled eyes. Suddenly he felt afraid. He left Weeks as quickly as he could. He wanted to be alone. It was the most startling experience that he had ever had. He tried to think it all out it was very exciting, since his whole life seemed concerned he thought his decision on this matter must profoundly affect its course and a mistake might lead to eternal damnation but the more he reflected the more convinced he was and though during the next few weeks arsenal historical kits he read books, aids to scepticism, with eager interest it was football philosophy t shirts only to confirm him in what he felt instinctively. The fact was that he had ceased to believe not for this reason or the other, but because he had not the religious temperament. Faith had been forced upon him from the outside. It was a matter of environment and example. A new environment and a new example gave him the opportunity to find himself. He put off th. e faith of his childhood quite simply, like a cloak that he no longer needed. At first life seemed strange and lonely without the belief which, though he never realised it, had been an unfailing support. He felt like a man who has leaned on a stick and finds himself forced suddenly to walk without assistance. It really seemed as though the days were colder and the nights more solitary. But he was upheld by the excitement it dortmund shirt seemed to make life a more.
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